Monsoon
by Sombereyes
Summary: The rain doesn't always summon despondency at every turn. It can be bittersweet, binding together the rifts of the past in ways that no one thought possible. Lovers look back to what started it all, they reflect that even the hardest of times can form the fondest of memories. -Triad pairing within-
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Writers camp is this month...

I really like Natsuki, Shizuru, and Mai in a triad pairing, because I simply think it really is fitting for them, in its own way…and love is love, as they say. That being said, if the three of them sharing an open and romantic relationship bothers you, I would avoid this fiction, because that's what this will be about. the first chapter is ungodly short, so I'm doing two chapter uploads today.

**Monsoon  
****Chapter 1**

There was something terribly gratifying about watching the prim and proper Shizuru Fujino, yawn into her hand as she stumbled into the bathroom at six in the morning. Every morning she would follow the same pattern. It really came as no surprise that just like every single day, she had some difficulty locating her toothbrush.

It was even more comical to note, that the woman mindlessly brushing her teeth, was the selfsame workaholic that demanded perfection in the company that she owned as a hobby, and as a favor to her retiring father.

With one eye open as she stared blankly at the mirror, she was in no shape for complex thought. If she would have been in a better frame of mind, she would have made note of the fact that her disheveled hair seemed to defy gravity, and that her compulsive tendency for arrangements didn't seem to follow her home at night. In fact, the counter space around her wasn't exactly orderly, it was far from it…not that anyone besides her, and her lovers, would know about that little detail.

Sleepy crimson eyes glanced to the side, as her first love of nearly five years, Natsuki Kuga, also entered the bathroom. Grumbling curses about the early hour she also began her morning routine, splashing her face in cold water, as if that might help rouse her mind from the depths if ineptitude, because truth be told, Natsuki couldn't keep her eyes open, let alone maintain constant thoughts.

It was an average, typical morning, for an abnormal and questionable household.

Such truths made themselves known in the little hints that most would tend to look past. The sweet smell of warmed baked goods drifted in from the kitchen, promising savory delights, and Shizuru hadn't done the baking, that was for sure. It was strange, perhaps, but Shizuru had long ago buried the ghosts of guilt and repression on the topic.

Natsuki also didn't think too much into it, she never really had, and she doubted she ever would. It was agreed among all of them, some things were better left to the heart, and not to the shadows of the mind, where threads of the past might call back spiders to weave another tangled web. The HiME battle in their youth was enough of a debacle, and none of them had any interest of dreaming new monsters up from the depths of hell.

So, when their friends and onlookers questioned their odd arrangement, the three of them had only one thing to say to any of it.

"That's just the way it is." They would say, each with their own reaction ranging from Shizuru's cat-ate-the-canary smile, Natsuki's hostility, and Mai's embarrassed but happy laugh as she retold the events as generically as she could.

It started off as a mutual arrangement among three friends that needed support from each other. Shizuru kept long hours, and, truth be told her demanding job kept her occupied enough without trying to manage the housekeeping, and meal planning. Natsuki wasn't a homemaker by far, and when she wasn't working with the animals that were left in her care, her time was spent dealing with the demands of her relationship, which Shizuru didn't make easy. Mai needed a job to pay off Takumi's medical expenses and also somehow afford a roof over her head.

The answer was simple enough, and it occurred to the three of them so naturally, that none of them even batted an eye to the murmurs that seemed to surround them. They thought nothing of it, because at first there was nothing to think about. It just so happened that their friendship grew, it changed. It was as easy, and as complicated as that...

It wasn't something the three of them were willing to announce to the world, and yet they were very happy together, and that was all that mattered.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Just popping up another warning incase readers missed the first one...

In case you missed the first AN and the pairing thing, **this is a triad pairing between Natsuki, Shizuru, and Mai, in an open, equal relationship.** If that irks you, and you don't like it for any reason at all, don't torture yourself...simply retreat quickly and find something else to read. You've been warned twice now, so if you happen to be somehow bothered by the idea of those three characters sharing in a loving, consensual relationship, don't say that I didn't give you the heads up...

**Monsoon 2**

"Natsuki, Shizuru, breakfast!" Mai called from the kitchen just like she did every morning like clockwork.

"I'll be right in." Shizuru had called back before sighing in Natsuki's general direction. "For heaven's sake, Natsuki, go back to sleep." She said as she gave Natsuki a gentle smile, leaning in to give her sleepy lover a peck on the lips. "Don't just lean on the wall for support, take the day off."

"Uh-huh." Natsuki mumbled incoherently as she watched Shizuru walk out of the room.

The woman of fawn tresses could only lament so much before even she knew better than to try to convince Natsuki, and simply gave up. The table was set for three, as usual, and Shizuru was pleased to find her tea exactly how she liked it on chilly mornings. She pulled the bathrobe she donned around her just a little tighter as she regarded Mai, who was still in her pajamas. "Good morning."

"Morning, although I think the clouds beg to differ." The carrot top said, a shared tone hinting at the true nature of their relationship, even if it wasn't exactly one that they aired to the public. "You slept well?"

"About as well as anyone can sleep when Natsuki's having nightmares." One glance outside indicated more storms would be flowing later in the day, and Shizuru shook her head. She used to like thunder storms, in her youth she found them calming. Now it was a bad omen to even hear the slightest rumble in the dead of night, as it triggered the worst of dreams in Natsuki. "I don't suppose you could convince Natsuki to take a nap today, could you?"

Mai shook her head, also suppressing a yawn. "I hate to tell you this, but it's only the start of the rainy season. It'll get worse before it gets better." Depositing breakfast onto Shizuru's plate, and leaning down to give her a kiss, Mai closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of soft lips pressing into her own. Their lives had been busy recently, and such a luxury had been hard to come by. "When I got up this morning, she was crying in her sleep again." Mai murmured quietly. "It was the dream of the crash again, I'm sure."

That startled Shizuru, and crimson eyes widened the slightest bit. "I didn't hear anything." She licked her lips, concern evident. "She's usually rather aggressive when she's dreaming something like that."

"I didn't notice either." Mai said as she sat down to also enjoy her own meal. "They were trickling from her eyes though, and her sleep wasn't restful. I was afraid to wake her up, you know how she gets."

Shizuru nodded, she understood perfectly well that Natsuki hated to be reminded of particular weaknesses, her emotions most of all. "Well, if I had the opportunity, I would force her back into bed for a few more hours." Shizuru could hear the shower running, which only indicated that Natsuki would deprive herself of the one thing she desperately needed. "I have to go into the office today, there's no avoiding it. There was a mix-up, and if I don't go take care of it, payroll will be backed up for weeks."

Mai shook her head, and tapped her fork against her plate as she considered that. "Takumi has his annual appointment with the cardiologist, Akira can't get out of work, so I told her that I would go with him. Natsuki wouldn't like to be dragged along to the doctor's office too."

They both sighed, and looked out to the rain that began pouring onto the ground. The implication was a disheartening one. Natsuki always became quiet during the rainy season, her eyes would search for something that just wasn't there. Shadows of things that still haunted her in the depth of sleep seemed to also visit her during the day. It was the one time of year that seemed to remain as a foreboding reminder to all that had happened, and, to the things that they had yet to reach out for.

"You know Mai, even though Natsuki doesn't like to admit it, she's always been very grateful that you remained by her side in times of weakness." Shizuru sipped on some tea as violet eyes met her own, crimson red. "I don't know what it is about my lovers, and their despondency towards the rainy season, but I do wish you would both find some measure of solace."

Mai just smiled, but it wasn't filled with the joy that the bubbly woman seemed to have within her at every turn. "We have our reasons, I guess." Mai said quietly, still amazed by Shizuru's ability to draw out a gentle side, one that made her feel at ease. "I'm thankful that Takumi is okay now, but, he pushes himself harder than he should. Maybe I'm worried over nothing, but, the rain brings up bad memories."

"Rain has so much power over you and Natsuki, but, it doesn't need to be negative." Shizuru murmured, placing her hand over Mai's. "Rain is also a good thing, Mai." With the dark clouds in the sky inking the normal blue into a grey, ugly color, Shizuru shrugged. "It was in the rainy season, that all of us could finally admit that we truly shared a love for each other. Amidst all of the troubles that you've faced, you shouldn't forget that."

Mai and Natsuki were both so easy to fluster, but Mai was also the one who accepted it without biting back, finding such a thing welcome and endearing, even occasionally at her own expense. Mai would embrace all aspects of herself in ways truly amused Shizuru. Such a blush, one that held just the tiniest hint of affection, was something almost like a gift. "Yeah, it was the rainy season, wasn't it?" Mai said, ducking her eyes away from those crimson orbs that saw so clearly into her. "It's easy to forget. I mean, I didn't think I would ever admit that to myself."

"That you were attracted to Natsuki?" Shizuru wondered then, amused by such a thought. "Or that you might possibly be able to have feelings for another woman at all."

Mai shook her head. "That I would ever find my place. To be honest, I never thought that I would."

There was a distant humor that shimmered in crimson eyes as she glanced towards the back of the house. Natsuki could be heard cursing, but over what, she remained unsure. Natsuki was never in a good mood before breakfast. Her extremely high metabolism lead to bouts of low blood sugar, and thusly, her bad temper. "Yes, well you aren't the only one." Shizuru laughed then as the string of curses continued. "It's funny, Natsuki doesn't particularly mind where her place in life is, so long as it's hers to do with as she wishes. Although, I suppose that's part of her appeal, and why I find it amusing that she sees it fit to stay by our side at all. We really aren't worthy of that."

"If Natsuki ever heard you saying that kind of thing, I'd bet she'd get really pissed off." Mai said then, a frown of her own on her face. "You and Natsuki were just, well, inseparable. At least, that's how it looks to everyone."

"You say that, but truth be told, Natsuki was very careful of me...is very careful of me, and my feelings." Shizuru didn't mind thinking about it now, and even found it kind of cute that even back then, Natsuki had been unconsciously trying to protect Shizuru with distance, even if the effort was a worthless one. "She spoke more freely with you, back in our high school days. It took me a long time to get her to understand that I didn't mind carrying her burdens."

"Yeah, but that doesn't count." Mai retorted with a laugh. "Natsuki and I got off on the wrong foot...and so by the time she and I were actually friends, we knew more about each other than we really wanted." In reflection, it was all just some silly memory. "I'm guess, what I mean is, Natsuki and I didn't have a choice. We either had to be friends, or enemies. We didn't have any other choice...especially not after the carnival reared its ugly head."

Shizuru shrugged, enjoying the warm tea and the breakfast cakes that sat on her plate, pleasantly topped with fruit. It was a simple, yet delightful meal. The topic didn't seem as heavy as it once was, but, time and practice had healed that one engulfing scar. More than ever, Shizuru realized that Mai had been both a balm, and a buffer for two, very self-destructive personalities. "That's true." Her words seemed not enough, she doubted that in reference to such an event, anything they said would truly convey any meaning. "I'll be honest, if it weren't for those events, I never would have been able to accept you...but, even so, I sometimes wonder about your past."

"Oh, well that was nothing." Mai laughed nervously. "I don't really have a past to talk about."

"Everyone has a past." Shizuru rebuked, never losing the gentle air of protection and comfort that laced her voice. "You and I seem to base our relationship on life in the present, and, in the future. We don't speak of the past, but, surely we can acknowledge it's there."

Mai took a swig of tea. "Alright." violet eyes barely contained the interest that danced in them, a game being born of thin air. "I'm an open book. What do you want to know?"

"Anything?" Shizuru asked, to which, Mai nodded. This was a rare opportunity for the two of them, as topics of the past normally stayed in the past...but, maybe the rain had it's cold fingers wrapped around Shizuru's heart too, because she felt the nagging sensation to ask something stepped only within the pit of her jealous mind. "You used to be inclined to men, what happened?"

Mai laughed at that. "I was surrounded by perfect guys." She said, feeling as though that had a huge part to play. "I thought I'd be able to settle on one of them…but then I realized the reason that I couldn't. It was because they were too perfect."

"Strange." Shizuru murmured, more interested than she felt she should have been. "Although, some of them do live up to high standards."

Mai nodded without a second thought. "The type of person I really wanted wouldn't be like that...I guess you could say that after all of the crazy things we all went through, I just wanted someone that felt real to me. Not a prince out of a storybook, but, someone down to earth." She said, her memories of dating men flooding into her mind. "Reito was the perfect prince in my eyes." She shrugged, refilling her cup of tea hurriedly before doing the same to Shizuru's. "He had good looks, money, kindness…" She trailed off with a sigh that bespoke her frustration on the matter. "Then I saw him with Mikoto, and I thought to myself that he just wasn't the kind of man I could last with."

"Because you saw him with his little sister?" Shizuru asked conspiratorially. She never inquired much about Mai's previous relationships, and lifted an eyebrow in amusement. It was because she had never had the gull to inquire, that she honestly hadn't heard of Mai's thoughts about the man, who Shizuru considered a good friend. "Am I to assume he lost his composure?"

Mai rolled her eyes. "I saw his lack of tact. His distance...I guess you could say." She recounted with a shrug. "No matter how much he tried, he couldn't bring himself to form a strong bond with Mikoto like I could." She shook her head then, dismissing it. "People say that Tate's an idiot, and he is, but he understands the importance of family. Reito tries to distance himself from things of that nature. I could never be with a person who doesn't try to build those kinds of bonds with others."

"So why not Tate then?" Shizuru said with a shrug, the twinkle in her eye bespeaking trouble. "Was it because he came with baggage?"

"Shizuru, really." Mai muttered, hiding behind her cup of tea. "If that was the case, I wouldn't be here, either."

"Well, I suppose that's true." Shizuru said, relenting that simple fact. All three of them came with their own fair share of problematic tendencies. "But, honestly speaking, Mai, you're beautiful. You shouldn't have had any trouble at all when it came to Tate. Natsuki was almost sure the two of you were going to get married and have a flock of children."

"No, that would have been the easy way out." Mai said, smirking at what she knew had been everyone's assessment. "Tate is a good man, don't get me wrong. He would make a steadfast husband, if the right woman came along." Mai simply felt as if she wasn't the right woman for him, nor he the right man for her. "We clashed." Mai admitted. "I was okay with that, at first. Then I began to think about my future, and I didn't relish the idea of bickering with him every afternoon."

"So you argue with Natsuki instead." Shizuru laughed.

That caused Mai to blush again. "Natsuki's a different type of battle."

It didn't help Mai's composure when the topic of conversation came into the kitchen, less than amused. "Natsuki thinks the two of you are conspiring against her." The woman of midnight tresses grumbled, after having settled herself at the table. She wasn't much of a tea drinker, but she wasn't up for fixing herself a pot of coffee either. "So, what did I miss?"

"We were lamenting about the rain." Shizuru said then. "I was simply reminding Mai that the rainy season isn't something that the two of you should hate so terribly."

"I don't see why not." Natsuki growled as she shoved a bit of omelet into her mouth. "It's sticky outside, not to mention that you can go anywhere in the squalls. Every time I drive to work, people think I've lost my mind."

"Well, unless one of us drops you off by car, you're going to get wet." Mai shot back, buttering a warm roll. "Besides, Shizuru has a point."

"Can't prove it by me." Natsuki said with a shake of her head. Crimson eyes and violet eyes met, and Natsuki cocked her head to the side as the two women in her life shared the passing glance. "What?" She groused scowling.

"Oh nothing." Shizuru said as she went back to her meal. "Though, I do suppose that you've forgotten our anniversary after all."

"No I haven't." Natsuki barked. "I remember it clearly."

"Do you now?" Shizuru asked with a raised eyebrow.

Natsuki sent Shizuru a frown at that, sighing as she dabbed at her mouth with a napkin. "You and I got together exactly one week after your graduation, and I busted my ass in summer school to make up all of my lost credit hours." Natsuki said pointedly. How could she forget about that? It was right after the battle of the century. "Mai moved in here with us after the dorms booted her out the following summer, but it wasn't until the rainy season that we actually brought her into the relationship." As she sipped on her tea, winching at the taste, she glanced over at Mai. "The anniversary between the three of us is actually coming up." Natsuki grinned at that. "As of next month, the three of us will have been lovers for four years."

"Ara…" Shizuru felt a mild sense of surprise. "It's been that long already."

"It doesn't seem like it." Natsuki nodded as she cleared her plate from the table. "But it's true. I remember it vividly…" She laughed a bit shyly, it was hard to forget a summer like that. "It might not have been our original plan, but, I don't regret it. Besides, that summer was full of good times."

Shizuru smiled as she shook her head at her lover. "Is that so?"

"Well, yeah." Natsuki was a sentimental kind of person, not that she would ever say that out loud. Emerald eyes could be so easily swayed, because her emotions were often very clear. "I remember that because Mai and I were fighting at that restaurant she used to work at. It was hotter than a crotch that day, and you weren't going to get out of your university courses until later on that afternoon."

"Yeah, and you started nagging me about what was wrong." Mai replied, starting to recall that hot summer day as well.

"Oh, yes." Shizuru nodded. "You two were bickering about Takumi's medical bills when I arrived."

Now, Mai could only laugh at the memory, though, at the time, she had been quite upset. She offered a gentle smile as she slowly began to peel an orange that was on her plate. "Well, we're good at that."

"It wasn't an argument." Natsuki grumbled softly. "It was just that…well, it wasn't like I could just let you deal with everything alone…"

…  
(Summer, 4 years ago)

It was a summer day so bright, that there wasn't a cloud in the sky. It was also humid and sticky, so in an attempt to escape the heat, they'd retreated into the air conditioning as soon as they could. With Mai going through her mail from the post office, and Natsuki munching down a parfait, they'd enjoyed each other's company in relative silence, until Natsuki noticed the troubled look on Mai's face. "What's going on?"

"It's just no use." Mai sighed, shaking her head as another bill emptied her pocket book. She wrote the check without a second thought, because she knew it needed to be done, however, she also knew that in doing so, she wouldn't have enough to cover rent for an apartment. As a graduate of Fuka Academy's high school program, Mai didn't have the time to put herself through university. "I need to find another job, and fast."

She had to pay off Takumi's medical expenses, the sooner the better.

"You already work two jobs, and pull a total of nearly fifty hours a week. One more will kill you." Natsuki explained, pointing her spoon at Mai in disapproval. "Why don't you just let me pay them off completely?" Natsuki sat in the booth with her friend, watching as Mai sealed an envelope, and cursed under her breath. "I've got the damn money, why not let me use it for something useful for a change?"

Mai shook her head. "You don't have any idea what kind of money you're offering to pay." Mai replied as she swallowed hard. "We're years in the red because when Takumi was little he was in the hospital a lot, those expenses over the years, plus his medication costs, not to mention his operation and rehab…" It was all so overwhelming. Before, Mai was too worried about Takumi's health to be concerned about medical costs. Now that he was healthy, and had Akira looking after him, Mai could finally concern herself with all of the money her family owed. "The reason my father got work overseas was because the job he found paid better." Even so, it wasn't nearly enough.

"I thought you guys had decent insurance coverage." Natsuki said, resting her head in her palm.

"We do." Mai nodded. "But even so, it isn't _that_ good." She packed away her checkbook, and sipped on her drink, wondering where she was going to come up with the rest of the money and still support herself. "I honestly doubt I'll be able to dig myself out of this anytime soon…and I can't expect Takumi to work, he's so behind in school from when he was ill, he has a lot off catching up to do."

"That, and you don't want him pushing himself too hard." Natsuki pointed out, nodding to the bag she knew Mai had prepared that morning. "Are all the sandwiches really something you needed to do?"

"He cooks too." Mai replied sheepishly. "However, he's still my little brother. He needs to keep stress down, doctor's orders. Takumi already deals with breakfast and dinner on his own, so I thought he might tolerate if I kept brining him lunch until his jetlag goes away."

Natsuki growled, grabbing the envelope out from under Mai's resting hand. "I'm paying this off." Natsuki finally said, nodding to herself, as if that was the best conclusion she could come to.

"I can't ask you to do that, Natsuki." Mai said, shaking her head, trying to get it back.

"Shut up." The tone was low, and distinctly angry. "My money is dirty money anyway. I don't want it, so if anything positive can come from it, then good riddance. How much do you owe?" When Mai didn't answer, Natsuki sighed. "Mai, let me do this one thing, okay?"

"Are you two arguing again?" Shizuru said, having just come from classes to sit down at the table. "I can't leave you alone for a moment, can I, Natsuki?"

"She's being dumb." Natsuki said crossing her arms, clenching the envelope in her hands. "If she would just shut up and agree with what I want to do, we wouldn't be fighting in the first place."

Shizuru wasn't sure why Natsuki seemed so angry, but she did notice the thinly veiled hurt that emerald eyes tried to hide. "And what, exactly, do you want to do, Natsuki?"

At her wits end, Mai finally bit her lower lip, fishing something out of her purse. She'd been keeping detailed records of just how much she owed, and the final number was a painful one. She flipped to the back page. "Natsuki wants to pay this off."

"Not wants…" Natsuki growled. "Is." She swiped the notebook away, her eyes widening for only a moment before sighing. "Okay, this isn't too bad. Fifty million yen." She said slowly, rubbing her forehead. "About five hundred thousand bucks, if I pull that out of my trust fund…" Natsuki scowled, she had barely enough in the fund to pull it off. She would be able to help Mai, bit it would clean her bank out, entirely. She looked up from the table. "It's doable."

Shizuru licked her lips, unsure what to make of Natsuki's words, but then, Shizuru smiled. Money was always a sensitive subject, and she could tell, this was stressing Mai out. That would only addle Natsuki if this continued. "Mai, I believe it would be wise to take Natsuki up on her offer." When violet eyes looked up to meet hers, she could see the pure uncertainty in Mai's eyes. "Natsuki has moved in with me, anyway. We live quite comfortably."

"That's an understatement. We could wipe our asses with money." Natsuki groused before ignoring Shizuru's implication. "If you don't take it, my mother's trust fund is just going to sit there and rot, because I'm never going to use it."

"I couldn't." With a sigh, Mai finally managed to compose herself from the shock. "Listen, it isn't just about foolish pride. Allowing Natsuki to pay that kind of money is taking advantage of her."

"Advantage my ass…not letting me pay these bills is really pissing me off!" Natsuki shot back. "Mai stop being so damn difficult, and admit it." With a forced breath, Natsuki lowered her voice. "You've done enough on your own."

This was something strange, the exchange both protective, and filled with regrets and sadness. Shizuru cleared her voice, hoping to catch the attention of the two combatants who seems so willing to square off in the battle of wits. "Mai, if you feel so strongly, why not fill our position for a housekeeper." Her crimson eyes glanced over to Natsuki, telling the dark haired woman that she had not forgotten how the last maid had run fleeing from the house. "Since the two of you survived the dormitory together, I believe you might actually be the only other person in the world Natsuki might tolerate to do the linens without a fuss."

"Fine by me." Natsuki said with a shrug. "I'm still paying off those bills, weather she wants me to or not."

And so, it was because of Natsuki's insistence on the matter, that such an arrangement had been made.

Mai was to look after the household chores and prepare dinner on the nights that Shizuru and Natsuki were home to enjoy the meal. It was without a doubt, a live in position. The house Shizuru had been given was indeed quite large, with several guest bedrooms, and a sprawling landscape. No single maid could clean the house from top to bottom in one single day, let alone a week. Thankfully, however, many rooms went unused.

In truth, it was a vacation home that Shizuru's parents and extended relatives no longer used. The fondness of the place won over the practicality of a home so large, but, Shizuru knew that this would last them a long time, if she so desired. The afternoon that Mai moved in, Shizuru took to giving the carrot top a grand tour, trying to be as modest as humanly possible.

"I keep strange hours, so there is a good chance I will often leave before you even wake to begin breakfast, and will not return until you are asleep in bed." Shizuru explained, whilst passing what looked to be an open living room on the second floor of the large home. "Natsuki's hours are more regular, so I wouldn't be surprised if she tries to feed herself out of the mayo jar on nights that I'm not home."

"She's not eating mayo off a spoon." Mai muttered with a shiver. "Besides, keeping her fed is part of my job."

They were in the middle of the large hallway when Shizuru paused. She frowned only slightly and bowed her head just the slightest bit. "Let Natsuki have her pride." Her words were soft, slowly spoken, as she considered Natsuki's feelings on the matter. "She's not the most compassionate person, but I think you know by now that Natsuki considers you family." With that, she leaned on the wall, chancing a glance to Mai. "There isn't many people in this world that she feels she can trust, but, you've been given that privilege. If I were you, I would simply enjoy it."

"Maybe you're right." Mai agreed still feeling out of place in the large house. "But even so, I'm in debt to her."

"That Mai, is far from the truth. Rather, I would say the both of you are now even." Shizuru offered a smile before opening the large set of double doors that she was standing next to. "Anyway, as this was once shared vacation home for both sides of my family, you'll find many of the accommodations are mirrored." The doors gave way to a bedroom lavished in rich colors of cream and gold, though, the drapery was a thick red velvet for keeping out the sun. "I hope you'll find this room suitable."

Mai felt dwarfed by the large space, amazed that she was told to call this room her own. "It's amazing." Mai said, unable to hide her surprise as she took in the elegant, but welcoming room, complete with a king sized bed, and adjoining bathroom.

"I'm sure by now, you've wondered how a family, even one as wealthy as mine, could afford a home like this." Shizuru laughed as she pulled apart the long drapes so that the sunlight could shine through. "The fact is, The Fujino's and the Viola's have a shared history. We're a rather large family, though I can't say that we're closely knit anymore." Then as if brushing away painful thoughts, she forced her perfect smile back upon her face. "Money does that to people, and you could say that I'm far too fond of my memories to ignore tradition." Turning to Mai, she bowed again. "That's why I'm happy that Natsuki chooses to lean on me a little, and also why I try to encourage her do what she feels is best, even if it can be considered rude."

Mai shook her head. "Oh no, I'm grateful to Natsuki, really. I should thank you as well."

"Gratitude will not serve you any use here." Shizuru said then, as she helped to lift Mai's rather large suitcase onto the bed. "For Natsuki's sake, find some meaning for yourself, a take some time to live without worries or regrets."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Sitting around the kitchen table and remembering those times seemed silly, but, they all had to agree, the summer had been an interesting one.

It was a road to self-discovery for all of them. Paths were weaved from friendship, shared grief, and hesitant futures. Natsuki and Mai both lacked parental guidance, which, as a woman entering adulthood was a difficult thing. Shizuru couldn't be bothered with her parents, who between them had more money than sense…the same could also be said for their ideals of family. They were insipid people by nature, and although Shizuru didn't fault them for it, she didn't fancy staying at the main house.

That was the underlying problem, only having Natsuki around was a loneliness that simply drifted away when Mai came to move in. She breathed a new life into a dying, old, ideal that Shizuru had found herself enamored with since her youth. So, as they tittered away about old memories, Shizuru once again noted that the kitchen was vibrant with life, and sounds of fulfilled laughter. She wished days like this would last forever.

Such a gift was fleeting, and it wasn't something that Shizuru or Natsuki, could accomplish alone. With that in mind Shizuru appeased herself with the final bit of fruit on her plate. "I know that you were hesitant, and that my words that day seemed rather trite, but I am thankful that I said them. It retrospect, I needed to hear myself say them. I was almost lecturing myself, just as much as I felt the need to tell you."

"I'm still thankful for that." Mai said, her tea now empty, her plate void of her meal as well. She was about to gather the dishes so that she could wash them when a warm hand fell on her thigh, a knowing thumb expertly caressing over sensitive flesh. She could tell, simply by the knowing look, it was Shizuru who gifted the attention. She lifted that troublesome hand to give it a kiss, before starting to look after the home, as she continued to do to this day.

Natsuki, full from breakfast, gave a glance to her cellphone as it buzzed incessantly, cursing under her breath. "Because I don't work enough on the weekends." She growled as she sent an angry text in response to the one she just got. "We've got an aggressive one coming in, I've got to go to the shelter and see just how mean this dog really is."

"Natsuki, take the day off." Shizuru repeated, having told the woman to do that once already.

"Oh, trust me." Natsuki said as she lifted herself from the chair to get ready to go into work. "If the animal shelter ran itself, I wouldn't have this problem."

"Well, discover how to make that happen." Shizuru told Natsuki exasperatedly. "And while you're at it, figure out how to make my accountants add and subtract accordingly. The figures are off again."

That just made Natsuki grin. "Now who works too much?" She didn't have time for long, impassioned farewells. She merely kissed Shizuru quickly, before doing the same to Mai, who was up to her elbows in suds. "I'm off." She announced when she got to the front door, pulling her helmet off of the rack.

"Don't speed!" Mai and Shizuru called at the same time, knowing their warning fell on deaf ears when the door slammed behind the biker.

Shizuru dragged herself away from her favorite seat in the kitchen and made her way into the bathroom so that she could shower. Natsuki who was a slob in the morning by nature, left her towel on the floor. Shizuru picked it up along with Natsuki's pajamas that were located in a separate pile. The towel she hung to dry, and the pajamas were deposited back on the bed, neatly folded. On the far side of the bed, Mai's clothes for the day were already laid out in preparation for her trip with Akira, later that afternoon.

Shizuru found it funny how common place it seemed now, knowing that Mai shared a bed with them, as she should. Shizuru never really got over the novelty of it, or, how often such a fact seemed normal. The simple truths slipped away from her mind because of it. Her fixation had always been with Natsuki, and still remained so. She loved Mai too, and had grown to love the carrot topped woman in her own way, though she was sure Natsuki was the true tie that bound the three of them together.

Shizuru had often come to the conclusion that, if she were honest with herself, she would have missed out on a person like Mai if any other situation had befallen her. However, her life took a sharp lurch for the abnormal after she found out what being a HiME truly implied. None of them relished the idea of looking a gift horse in the mouth, and they'd all given up on the idea normalcy after their most important people had come back to them…

Shizuru knew, it was because of the HiME battle that the three of them refused to question any ounce of happiness they might come across.

It was also unfortunately true, that if anyone of high standing ever found out about their relationship, it would be put under rather crude, and unkind scrutiny. The balm to the thorny predicament was that naysayers were likely so far removed from their group of friends, that it rightly didn't matter. Such a fact was a comfort, when little else could be.

There was however, one important person that was left in the dark about their admittedly obscure relationship, and that was Mai's little brother. At first, Mai felt he was simply too young to know about her personal life, and her choices…and later, it was simply because she hadn't found the right way to tell him. She was still very close, but very protective of her younger sibling.

Shizuru frowned as she considered that. "The people she chooses to love must value family." Such a realization didn't sit well with Shizuru, and she abruptly marched back into the kitchen. It felt as if hell itself licked at her was a person who kept to herself by nature, and, Shizuru didn't mind silence, as such a thing gifted much sought-after peace. She'd completely forgotten that Mai might actually one day feel the need to speak to her own blood relative about matters, and once again, Shizuru cursed her lack of foresight.

"Mai." Shizuru murmured, coming up to embrace the woman from behind. "Have you ever doubted me?"

"What?" Mai laughed nervously. "No, never." She said with a shake of her head. She loosened Shizuru's grip around her torso, so that she had room to turn and face the taller woman. "I could never doubt you."

Crimson eyes softened, as a small laugh slipped from between her lips. "I'm relieved." Shizuru said, cupping Mai's face in her hands. "I remember when it wasn't so comforting to me to hear you say that. Natsuki was so used to your constant presence from when the two of you shared the dorm, and I remember doubting Natsuki." It seemed so silly now. "So, if you've ever doubted me at all, I would understand."

Mai leaned in for a kiss that lingered a little longer than it had to, and Shizuru true to form, gave a possessive murmur in reply, pulling the busty woman closer. As they broke away, Shizuru still continued to play with the short tendrils of carrot colored hair. "It's been a long time since the two of us shared some time alone." Again, a flash of guilt stabbed at her, as she hoped to rectify that misgiving. "You should join me in the bath."

"Don't you have to go into the office?" Mai asked with a grin, though her fingers never stopped drawing playful circles on Shizuru's hips. She wanted the attention just as badly as Shizuru wanted to give it. "The accounts won't fix themselves."

"I have some time." Shizuru insisted, breathing in Mai's sweet smell as she gave the woman another gentle tug, indicating that she truly wanted this. Shizuru took the lead, closing that bathroom door loudly behind them as soon as they made it back to the master bedroom on the first floor. Ridding Mai of her pajamas was like unwrapping a gift for the first time, her soft, curvaceous body shivering in excitement at each and every caress, nip, and lick.

It had been months since the two of them shared any time alone, something that Shizuru herself, felt strongly about. Sure, there were often times they would share a romp between the sheets as the triad that they were, and Shizuru and Natsuki had their own rigorous sessions without Mai around…but it had been too long of a wait for some personal time with Mai.

Shizuru closed her eyes, and sighed, remembering all of the tiny hints she should have noticed, but had been too unwilling to see. It was her greatest downfall, and her worst sin. "Forgive me Mai." Shizuru murmured quietly. "I'm still as foolish as I was back then."

…

(Summer 4 years ago)

When Mai first began to keep the house up for Natsuki and Shizuru, she attempted to keep herself as low key as possible. She did the cooking, and the cleaning, as well as the laundry. Although it wasn't mandatory, she also kept half an eye on Shizuru's flower garden, just to be sure everything was well watered. When she wasn't keeping busy with the tasks around the house, she either had her nose in an exam preparation book, or, she stayed in her room, which was silly.

"I'm telling you, it's just not normal." Natsuki sighed when she felt ready to collapse after a long day at the animal shelter that she'd been trying to spruce up. "Mai's a social type of person, but I haven't even heard her talk on the cell phone." Natsuki frowned, taking the time to put her hair in a thick braid so that it didn't tangle overnight. "It's strange."

"This is a new adjustment, I'm sure." Shizuru said evenly, as she took a seat next to Natsuki on the bed, giving the boxers that Natsuki slept with a playful tug. "I wouldn't worry so much."

"I probably wouldn't either, if I hadn't spent an entire semester in the dorm with her." After that truth came crashing down around her, Natsuki shook her head. "She's not even carrying Mikoto around on her back, so, I think I have a right to be worried."

"Perhaps we weren't clear enough when we explained the arrangement." Shizuru offered, choosing to slide behind Natsuki, and work out the kinks in tense shoulders. After a hard day of repairing dry wall, the task was more difficult than Shizuru assumed it would be. "You should speak with her tomorrow."

"You know, I just might." Natsuki stifled a yawn.

"This is the type of pillow talk I endeavor to avoid." Shizuru said, planting a well-placed kiss on Natsuki's shoulder. "It makes you all tense, and frankly, you never sleep well when something's on your mind." She was no doctor, but, even she knew when muscles screamed in agony after being over used. "If I were you, I'd worry less about Mai, and more about yourself. You'll do damage to yourself if you continue to keep this up."

"Well, blame nighttime, it's just a pensive time for me." Natsuki said offhandedly. "Thing is, when I'm at work, I don't really have time to rest. When I get home, I start planning the next thing that needs to be done. Keeping busy just how I deal with stress." Natsuki said tiredly, though truth be told, she could see Shizuru's point. "I'll try to decompress more often."

"A wonderful idea." Shizuru spoke softly, a heated implication in her tone. She knew Natsuki wasn't going to rest easily tonight unless she was well and truly tuckered out. "I have just the thing."

Emerald eye widened as a slender fingernail tickled its way down her spine, leaving little to the imagination. "Shizuru…" Natsuki murmured a bit shyly at that. "I really am tired tonight." She didn't think she could keep up with the woman of her affection, not when she was exhausted.

"Is your mind drifting to scandalous places, Natsuki?" Shizuru laughed quietly, with a shake of her head. Reaching over to her side of the bed, she grabbed a small bottle, and gave Natsuki a knowing look. "I was only talking about this."

"Massage oil?" Natsuki quirked an eyebrow. "When did you go buy that?"

"Oh, the same time that I bought some rope and a gag." Shizuru replied without missing a beat. "I thought we could spice things up."

"What needs spicing?" Coloring deeply, Natsuki scowled as she realized Shizuru would never buy things like that. At least now without warning her about it first. If there was one thing, above all else that Natsuki hated, it was surprises in general. That went double with things of a romantic nature. "Idiot."

Shizuru didn't even try to suppress her smirk. "Lay down Natsuki." She said with a shake of her head, biting her tongue to keep herself from harassing her lover further. "I promise, this will feel relaxing."

To Shizuru's credit, it was.

Natsuki had fallen into such a deep sleep, relaxed and at peace, that her usually keen senses didn't alert her to the fact that it was morning. Without noticing anything amiss, Natsuki didn't wake, not even when Shizuru had shut off the alarm before it could ring. It was late midmorning before Natsuki open her eyes, she was covered by the sheet, but naked underneath. Feeling refreshed for the first time in a long time, she stretched, her eyes catching a glimpse of Mai putting the clean clothes away.

"Mai, what time is it?" Natsuki muttered, annoyed that Shizuru had unplugged the clock.

"Almost ten." Mai answered as she closed one of the drawers on Shizuru's side of the room, before opening up the walk-in closet.

"Crap." Natsuki flung the covers off of her while Mai was out of the room, and grabbed hold of the first set of panties she found, dragging them up her legs before her friend could come back into the room. Her bra she was more selective with, even if it was between three different sports bras, she was always careful about her underwear. "Hey, Mai are you free for a bit?" She asked, pulling the one she chose over her head.

"Yeah…" Mai said slowly, her voice muffled due to the distance. "Why?"

"Because I need to go out to the barn for a bit." Natsuki grabbed a plain white shirt and overalls that were already stained from paint and primer from weeks before. "Come on, you can help me feed the animals."

The barn was put far enough away that it took a two minuet ride by gulf cart to get where they needed to go. The barn was old, but sturdy looking, painted in white. Natsuki unlocked the door, and pulled the chain away, revealing a bunch of kennels and stalls. "Welcome to my project." Natsuki said as she opened up the sealed bins of dog and cat food. "So, what do you think?" Grabbing an entire stack of bowls, she began doling out the food.

"Where did you find all of them?" Mai was sure that there was close to twenty animals in the barn alone, although, only five of them were dogs. "They couldn't have been just wandering around in the streets."

"Some weren't, their owners just didn't want them anymore." Natsuki explained, measuring and filling the bowls. "The cats are the ones that really got me started doing this." She nodded over to a mother cat, and what looked to be four kittens kept together in a larger enclosure than the others. "Haruka's family owns a construction company, so they deal with a lot of abandoned buildings." Natsuki shrugged. "You'd be amazed how many colonies they find. There are plenty of strays, so I figured, why the hell not."

"So you decided to open up a shelter." Mai got started changing out the water dishes on the cat's side, choosing to ignore the dogs, who were larger than she really wanted to deal with. "That's fine and all, but how do you continue to renovate the building and look after all of these guys all the time?"

"I don't sleep." Natsuki said almost all too seriously. She opened up the doors to each kennel, and then opened up the back door. The fenced in yard was huge. "Anyway, all of these dogs are ones I picked up as puppies. Shizuru won't let me bring any dog on the property that she doesn't think I can train. Once I finally get the shelter open, I can expand my rescue the way I want."

"I knew you shared more in common with Mikoto than you cared to admit." Mai laughed, only causing Natsuki to shake her head.

"I would be lying if I didn't agree that she might have helped inspire the idea." As Natsuki started cleaning out the dog kennels, she recalled several times when Mikoto would hide cats and kittens in the dorm room. The way they followed the girl around was, in fact, quite alarming. "I just don't make a habit of thinking I'm one of them."

"No." Mai agreed. "I suppose you don't." Upon further inspection, Mai did notice that most of the cats were ones that she'd seen before.

"Look up there." Natsuki said, pointing to the rafters, where two cats eyed the goings on.

"Aren't those the ones Mikoto normally hangs around with?" Mai asked, though she couldn't be sure. "I think she even named them…"

"I don't know if she named them or not, but they seem to come and go as they please." Natsuki shrugged as one leapt down and landed deftly on her shoulder. "They make great barn cats though." Lifting the unpredictable feral animal, she put it down into a bed of straw. "Speaking of Mikoto though, I haven't seen her around…or any of your friends for that matter."

"They've been busy." Mai said, avoiding the topic. "So have I, really." She kept her eyes fixated on of the kitten she had in her hands, it was cute, cuddly, and easy to look at.

"I know you're lying." Natsuki pointed out, but didn't even spare Mai a glance as she kept working. "You live here Mai, you're entitled to have friends over…and if you wanted Tate to stay the night or something…it isn't like I really give a damn." She coughed, trying to ward away the uncomfortable feeling in saying something so personal. "Shizuru wouldn't care either."

"He and I broke up." The words were so simple, and yet, so very complicated. "I've been single for a few weeks now. I just didn't tell anyone because I didn't see the point." Closing her eyes, she just sighed, putting the kitten back with its mother. "Everyone asks such stupid questions after a breakup, you know?"

Emerald eyes met violet, and Natsuki finally just nodded, having nothing to say to that. "Oh, well I won't ask questions then…still, if you wanted to have someone around, you can." She left it at that, still mentally berating herself for what she knew was probably a very painful admittance for a person like Mai, even if the busty woman didn't admit that. "And…if you wanted to talk about it, I'd listen…but, I don't think I would be very much help. I'm pretty bad when it comes to advice like that."

Mai simply nodded. "I'll keep that in mind."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Recalling something like that sent an uncomfortable chill down Shizuru's spine, she realized, she often missed the much larger picture. It was no secret. She knew why, even if she hated to admit it to herself. Her first love had been Natsuki. Her entire world revolved around Natsuki's happiness, and back then, that's where she poured all of her attention. Her fixation could have allowed the rest of the world to crumble, so long as Natsuki was alright.

Upon reflection, Shizuru had only heard about Mai's breakup several weeks later, when Natsuki paced back and forth in their bedroom, restless and aggravated.

Even then, it was because of Natsuki that Shizuru even took notice of Mai. Then again, the redhead had always been a safe bet, and Shizuru hadn't felt the need to keep an eye on her. When Mai hadn't bounced back after the breakup with Tate, Natsuki practically took it upon herself to curse the very ground that all of the former HiME stood on. Her restlessness and fury were pointless, but it didn't stop her from suffering needlessly on the matter anyway.

During that time, Mai seemed strangely withdrawn, her once bubbly joy, receding into melancholy.

Thinking about how uninformed she had been, and how much she hadn't known about Mai back then was something that still squeezed at Shizuru's heart often enough. Even friends should have known such logical details, especially housemates, or so Shizuru believed. Even now, it was easy to depend on Mai, as she was the least demanding in terms of what she wanted.

The bath water was warm around them, a gentle steam rising, thankfully obscuring the shame Shizuru couldn't erase from her expression. "It seems like I'm always the one begging to be forgiven." Shizuru explained delicately, wondering how many more times she could do such a thing. How many more mistakes could she make before Natsuki or Mai grew tired of her? She wasn't sure. "I shouldn't be so blind, but, I know that will be, because I'm such a possessive person...focused on the wrong things, I suppose."

Mai shook her head. "You don't need to apologize anymore more than Natsuki, or myself." She corrected, unsure of just what lingered behind that crimson eyed gaze that seemed so stern, and yet, so fragile at the same time. "We all have our faults."

Shizuru wanted to blame everything else, but she knew better. "Don't give me a way out of my transgressions." As she pulled Mai close, she tried to kiss away all of the inattentiveness that seemed to have gotten the better of her. "I always tell myself that I'm going to be more observant, and I always fail so horribly." Shizuru murmured in apology. "Even when we weren't lovers, there were so many things I should have noticed." Shizuru said sadly, lavishing Mai with maddening kisses that trailed fire down her spine. "I should have been more attentive to you."

"It's okay." Mai murmured, a heated, breathy sigh falling from her lips when sharp teeth nipped at her neck, and soft fingers began to cup her womanhood. "You're here now, and that's all that matters."

"I'll always be here. If you ever need me, you should know my arms are always open for you." Shizuru told her, feeling the overall inadequacy in her words. She wished that there was something more that she could say to alleviate the tugging within her heart. It came up short when Mai captured her lips, a tiny quiver in them speaking what neither one of them could.

It was stubbornness that kept the three of them so utterly entangled, and yet, so fiercely independent. The concept of time was forgotten, woven to a standstill between every bittersweet murmur and trembling kiss...

The afternoon called for scattered showers.

Mai went with Takumi to the doctor's office, and Shizuru took the chance to deal with the botched paperwork that her employees seemed to be swimming in. Natsuki got back home in the early evening, but, what greeted her was an unrelenting empty home, with only a few lights on, and a rather loud bird in the backyard squawking away.

Natsuki had never been the best with speaking her thoughts, and instead prided herself on her steady silence when things got out of hand. She simply never was much of a talker when problems reared their ugly head from the shadows. She'd made a fool of herself enough to know, that sometimes her smartest action was to say nothing at all. With the house as large as it was, there were often times it was quiet, and the silence would become deafening.

With Shizuru likely cursing the heavens and earth in one of the offices she owned, and Mai visiting with her brother and pregnant girlfriend, the house lacked more sound than usual. It was times like this, when the sun came in from just the right angle, that Natsuki was reminded both of solitude and loneliness. It was silly perhaps, to feel that way, and yet the wide open space left her bored.

Her imagination found idle busywork, planning and expanding the already huge property to whittle away time.

The big open plot of land needed something besides grass, and a thought came to mind. She went to the empty barn, grabbing the small hand shovel on her worktable. This place had once been a farmhouse, and this grassy knoll had once been a field for rice. The bare bones of the plantation made itself known often, and though it had been later renovated into a vacation home, Natsuki had always wondered about the ground…and just what she could possibly do with it.

Without really planning things out, she dug out her first hole.

Testing the dirt in her palm, she shook her head. It was probably a stupid idea, but she didn't dwell on it, overturning more soil. She continued to do so, until she'd managed to make a dirt pile. She wasn't sure why her restless whims carried her away like that so often, but her mind was focused completely on the dirt, and the hole.

"Natsuki what are you doing?" A familiar and welcomed accented voice called out.

Natsuki, filthy by this point, looked up from her place in the ground. "Huh, well to be honest, I don't really know." She said, looking around to the mess that she'd made. She couldn't explain it, but she needed to do something. She returned to her work. "When I figure that out, I'll let you know."

"Natsuki, really." Shizuru chided with a sigh, unsure of just what had caught Natsuki's attention. Knowing the woman of midnight hair the way she did, it could be any number of things. If Natsuki hadn't any idea, it meant her mind was full of other things…things Natsuki didn't want to think about. The ground was muddy from the rain, and so too, was Natsuki. "Could you at least leave your project alone for the night? It's getting late." Shizuru begged, trying to coax an already tired woman away from another exhausting task.

"When the sun sets." Natsuki promised, knowing that darkness wasn't far off.

Shizuru merely agreed, and watched on as Natsuki continued whatever she thought she was doing. Shizuru tried to discern exactly what that was, but Natsuki seemed clueless to that fact as well, working methodically, without seeming to have a goal in mind. It couldn't have been a flowerbed, the hole in the ground was too deep. Natsuki didn't particularly enjoy weeding Mai's vegetable garden, so chances were that Natsuki wasn't making a larger one.

Drawn in by the mystery of it, Shizuru knelt down by Natsuki side. "Should I just be turning the soil?" She asked, not afraid to get a little dirty.

"I want to make an island." Natsuki finally said, inspired by the long and deep trench that had been starting to form. "A big circle." She explained while sitting on her knees, dusting her hands off to the best of her ability. "We'll fill in the perimeter with a pond to put some koi in." Then she kept digging through the dirt and clay, her mind on what would be in the center. "All the grass on the inside we'll pull out, and get some nice big rocks to outline the sides. The center will dip down a little bit, then we'll cement the bottom of it so that there's two or three inches to fill with sand. I'll build a small bridge to put the two halves together."

It caused Shizuru to laugh. She had been wanting to build a Zen garden for years, but Natsuki never seemed interested. "You really have been bored recently, haven't you?"

"Not bored exactly." Natsuki murmured, trying to get her hair away from her eyes without having to use her muddied hands. "It's just pointless to have all this land and not use it." One glance behind her indicated that the barn would be aggravating, so she got up and moved back a few feet. "We'll put some small trees here, and that'll hide the barn from view."

"If that's what you want to do." Shizuru said, noticing that the sun had just tucked itself away in hiding. "However, you promised you'd stop for the night when the sun went down."

"I did, didn't I?" One look at herself made Natsuki wince. "Guess I should grab a shower."

"I would say that's a wonderful idea." Shizuru agreed, one look at her hands and knees provided her with a sigh. "Perhaps, I should do the same."

"It's Saturday, and Mai will be late coming home." Shizuru murmured then. "When was the last time we had a movie night, just the two of us?"

As they walked back to the house, Natsuki tried to think on that, but came up short. Her mind was already slowing to a crawl, and she shrugged. "I don't remember." She said as the rain began to pour again, drenching them as they walked. Natsuki hated it, but reigned herself to the fact that she was simply going to be soaked before she reached the house. Shizuru seemed to do the same. "Couple weeks ago, maybe?"

"Then, how does that sound?" Shizuru asked, as they walked hand in hand. "A long hot shower, then a movie before bed…maybe if Mai comes home early enough, she'll play with us."

"Yeah." Natsuki nodded, her voice sounding at east for the first time that day. "Sounds good to me." Then, as a second thought popped into her mind, she smirked. "We should watch the movie in the bedroom then, you know she hates my hobby room. Besides, the sofa is too small."

…

(Summer 4 years ago)

The first floor came complete with two living rooms, one formal, and the other informal. It just so happened that the television, and one of the ugliest sets of furniture to be found, took residence in the informal living room. The furniture was comfortable because it was so old and worn in, but, it was also the only set of furniture to survive the battle in Natsuki's apartment nearly unscathed.

Although Natsuki wasn't particularly attached to it, they would be hard pressed to find another of its kind, as the Kuga name had been burnt into the supporting framework. Natsuki's grandfather, on her mother's side, had made it. Shizuru believed that due to the carving, that the furniture needed to have a place in the unusually large home. And thus, the informal living room was more Natsuki's domain than anything else.

Her games could be found there, and her collection of music, which, unlike Shizuru's more refine tastes had plenty of unmarked cases that was little more than vulgarity and garage bands recorded on cassette tape. Natsuki wasn't exactly a trendy person when it came to her musical choices, and she was sure most anyone who took a look at her collection would call it racket. An electric guitar sat in the corner, but, Natsuki had no clue how to play it. It had been her father's back when he was around, he played it often. Now, it stood as little more than a relic off the past. Her life was filled with them, old, useless mementos and memories...if it wasn't for the sentimental value, Natsuki would have rid herself of them long ago.

Natsuki's hobby room, as it was affectionately dubbed, was not only the room with the most electronic gizmos in the house, it was also the messiest.

A hot and muggy Sunday morning left little in the way of things to do. It was early enough that Mai wasn't going to start breakfast just yet, as the sun had yet to rise. Taking a bucket of cleaning supplies, her plan had been to wash the wood floor, but one peep warned her otherwise. She had grown used to finding Natsuki and Shizuru cuddling, as they normally spent their Sunday mornings cooped up in their bedroom until early afternoon. They also took to cuddling in other areas, but, she had never gazed upon them in the nude, and such an image made a blush erupt from her cheeks.

She had seen Natsuki naked many times, as life in the dorm often meant little in the way of privacy. She was used to it, and Natsuki was used to her, neither of them thought twice or dwelled on it…

However, seeing the two lovers tangled in an impassioned embrace, and clearly _not_ sleeping was another matter entirely. Mai slammed the door just as quickly as she had opened it, trying to will away the image from her mind. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and it was nearly painful.

"Mai, what the hell." Natsuki growled as she flung open the door to see her red faced friend standing there agape, trying desperately to collect herself.

"Sorry." Mai said, covering her eyes, even though Natsuki was now clad in a bathrobe. "I'm so, so sorry."

"You've seen worse." Natsuki muttered with a roll of her eyes, pushing past Mai to get to the kitchen. "You don't have to freak out." She kept her gaze lowered to hide the telltale blush that burned her cheeks a vibrant red.

Shizuru merely cleared her throat as she too, emerged from the living room. "You'll have to forgive me." Shizuru said, looking far more composed than her dark haired lover. "I forgot the time." Trying to force away the rather awkward situation, she merely began a path to the kitchen, seeming to invite Mai along with her. "Do you always wake up this early?"

"More or less." Mai replied meekly as she tried to find her strength to speak. "I'm used to getting up early, since Mikoto never lets me sleep in if she's hungry."

"Better get used to it." Natsuki groused under her breath, fishing around in the refrigerator.

"What did you say?" Mai asked, feeling as though she heard wrong.

"I said, better get used to it, because Shizuru's unpredictable in the morning." She gulped down the glass of juice she poured, and wiped her mouth with her sleeve. "And don't you dare deny it." Natsuki said, red faced as she turned around to send Shizuru a glair that screamed of how she really felt about being barged in on, and averted her gaze. "You're the worst when you're sleepy..."

"You weren't complaining until a moment ago." Shizuru said with a mere shrug.

"I really am sorry." Mai said, ducking out of the kitchen as fast as her legs could carry her.

"Well, that was quite the show." Shizuru said placidly as she prepared her morning tea. "I hope we haven't frightened her off."

"Mai will be fine." Natsuki said, rubbing her forehead. She swore she felt an oncoming headache if her day continued at this rate. "I told you, she's seen worse."

"Not out of you, I'd hope." Shizuru said with a smile, only to see Natsuki scoff.

"Naked yes…" Natsuki muttered. "Not…doing that…" She trailed off, shaking her head with a sigh. "One of us really needs to go say something, or she's going to internalize it."

"Will she now?" Shizuru looked around, deciding to take pity on Mai for the morning and do the cooking herself. "I would think she's well aware of what we do when we're alone."

"That doesn't mean she wants to see it." Natsuki finally said scratching the back of her neck uncomfortably. "This is going to sound frickin' stupid, but I never really asked her how she felt about…us." Natsuki said with a shrug. "She never asked and I never said anything. I mean, of course she knows…the whole damn school knew…but…I never asked what she thought about it, and Mai's normally vocal about stuff that bugs her, so I just guessed that it didn't." Finally after a sigh, Natsuki's shoulders slumped. "Maybe she's not okay with me being with another woman after all."

"Well, if anything you're right about one thing. That's a stupid notion to make about such a good friend. If Mai was such a person, I doubt she would be as close to you as she is." Shizuru said then, as she prepared a cup of tea to bring to Mai. "Now then, you should talk to Mai."

Natsuki's mind was spinning, so she just leaned onto the countertop. "Yeah, maybe."

"Does it bother you so terribly?" Shizuru asked then, realizing that this was more than simply Natsuki's usual bout of embarrassment. "Mai's a good friend to you isn't she? Can't you just trust her not to shun you?"

It was a bitter, angry smirk that found her face. "You know, I don't have the slightest clue. I only caught a glimpse in her eyes of something." She took a deep hard breath as she steadied her nerves. "It was something I didn't want to see, but, having come face to face with it once before, I've started to recognize it." She pushed herself away from the counter, and sighed, heading for the back door. "I guess it doesn't matter, either way."

"Natsuki, wait." Shizuru murmured. "What was it that you found?"

"Shame, understanding, denial, and maybe a little bit of guilt." Natsuki said then, her voice soft as she refused to turn to face Shizuru. "But all of those things circle around one, much larger emotion…but, you don't really have to ask what that is, do you?"

"No." Shizuru admitted quietly. "I suppose I don't."

"I'll talk to Mai later, and let her down easy." Natsuki said resolutely.

"No, don't you even think about it, Natsuki." Shizuru said, turning Natsuki to face her.

"I am thinking about it." Natsuki didn't miss a beat. "I that's what I'll have to do, so, that's what's going to happen. It's that simple."

"No, you're wrong." Shizuru licked her lips, her fingers drumming on the counter. "It's that delicate. If it were easy, speaking openly about someone's feelings would be a meaningless thing, but you know it's not." Shizuru said then, with a deep frown that marred her usually beautiful face. "You're acting on conjecture."

"I'm acting on instinct." Natsuki shot back, gripping Shizuru's shoulders and pulling her into a tight embrace. "I won't make the same god damn mistake twice."

"I understand that." Shizuru said calmly, with a hint of sigh lacing her words. "However, if she hasn't confessed anything to you, then she clearly never intended to broach the subject."

"How does that change anything?" Natsuki said, pulling just far enough out of the embrace to look into glistening crimson eyes.

"It changes the person's entire world around them." Biting down hard on her lower lip, Shizuru had to admit, this was like picking at an old forgotten scar. "It's painful to live in silence, knowing that you will never be accepted…but it's even more painful to have those emotions dragged out and stepped on without warning." Shizuru shook her head. "Besides, you can't be sure that such an emotion was what you saw. You can't bet your friendship on that." She couldn't let Natsuki do that to Mai. It was a price too dearly paid. "I'll talk to her, you go feed the animals before they kick up a fuss."

"Yeah." Natsuki agreed, cursing under her breath. "I need the fresh air anyway."

Tea in hand, Shizuru went up to the second floor of the house, where Mai's room was. Things would never be easy, she had resigned herself to that fact early in life, and she was sure that somehow, someway, this was her own lack of foresight. Natsuki was never one to understand relationships well, and when she did decide to trust someone, she trusted them implicitly. That's why it came as no surprise to Shizuru that Natsuki wasn't bothered by Mai walking in on them. Rather, Natsuki was bothered by Mai's reaction to the sight of it.

Embarrassment was momentary, fear of rejection lingered.

That was simply how Natsuki was, and anyone who knew the brash girl at all, knew that. Shizuru wasn't sure about Mai, as she only interacted with the girl in passing, and only when it suited her to do so. With that in mind, she readied herself for an uncomfortable encounter. She wasn't sure what she would find on the other side of the door, but, she hadn't expected to see the girl sitting on her bed, staring intently at an open suitcase.

"Natsuki said you would internalize things, but, I never assumed you'd consider fleeing the house because of us." She said, quite tactlessly at that, as she tried to gauge just how strung out Mai was. "I suppose I should apologize, I don't often think about the ramifications of my actions when Natsuki's concerned."

"It's not you guys." Mai murmured, her voice barely a whisper, haunted, and distant. "It's me."

Shizuru nodded, but said nothing as she came to sit on the bed. Mai's cup of tea in hand, as she passed it to the quaking woman in front of her. "You should settle your nerves." Her words were even and carefully measured. "Being attracted to the fairer gender is not the end of the world."

Mai sipped the tea, still quivering as she shook her head. "I'm _not_ gay."

It was irony at its finest, Shizuru knew, but still kept herself neutral about the denial. "Then, what is the problem then, if I may ask?"

"I finally understand what everyone else was fighting to protect." Mai said quietly, closing her eyes to hide them from view. "I miss Natsuki…I miss the dorm." Her throat grew tight with emotion. "I want the old life I had back, because at least then I could pretend that it was real…that I was actually needed."

Shizuru could have played dumb, and probably gotten the answers she knew were already there, but, she knew that would only bring Mai undue pain. Instead, she chose for simple, yet effective accusation. "You believe she doesn't need you."

"She has you." Mai retorted quietly.

"She does." Shizuru relented that fact, as it was undeniably true.

"Then there's no way she could possibly need me." Mai explained, unwilling to meet the gaze she could feel burning into her. "I'm a burden to her. Its not unusual, I know I'm not strong like she is." Violet eyes closed in attempted to hide her unease, but it wasn't going to work. "I'm a weak link...always have been." Her voice was life the mildest of winds. "Always will be."

"Strong...Natsuki can be many things, but that's not one of them." Shizuru almost laughed. "No, she's not strong, Mai." Shizuru said again, having come to that one very clear conclusion. "She's just accepted that her life couldn't go on the way it was before, or she'd end up destroying herself." The admission was also a confession for Shizuru as well. "If only you could have seen Natsuki at her worst, but, that was before you had even come around...back when youthful rage was something Natsuki clung to as if it was her very breath." Shizuru sighed at that. "I don't think any of the HiME were strong...in fact, I think we were all weak. Our weaknesses qualified us to be HiME in the first place. We were easy minds to manipulate. The power fed off our sins, that's what I believe."

Mai had never head that theory before, and, even thinking of it that way made her gut turn. "She went after you, you know." Mai said quietly. "She didn't stay with me."

"All that means, is that she didn't have the heart to fight you. It doesn't mean that I was more important, only that she had unfinished things to settle with me." Shizuru answered, not willing to question the meaning of that. "Although, I doubt Natsuki would have won, even if she had challenged you."

"What makes you say that?" Mai's violet eyes lifted to meet Shizuru's stern, faraway gaze.

"Our lives were in ruins, there was nothing she could have done." Shizuru could almost see her fight with Natsuki vividly. It was, after all, the first time Natsuki had acknowledged Shizuru's deepest feelings. "Her entire reason for living, was to get revenge on the people who wronged her. Then during the carnival, everything she had built around herself in that time was gone. Even I was lost, to myself...to the feelings I had. I don't want to say she was suicidal, but, picking a fight with you wouldn't have given her any gratification. At least if she fought me, she could rectify one mistake...get one thing she lost, back again."

"I wouldn't have been able to fight Natsuki." Mai said, shaking her head. "I could hardly fight with Mikoto, I wouldn't have even tried to battle Natsuki. I would have let her win."

"Then, it's a good thing she didn't challenge you...however, that's all the proof you need." It would have been easy to lie, and spin such horrible thoughts into Mai's head, but Shizuru wasn't that vindictive. "Natsuki needed you, that means she still does." Natsuki did have a close bond with Mai, and such a reminder served to force Shizuru into delicacy. Instead of starting a warfare she was sure to win, she mentally cursed herself. "Natsuki's actually pretty weak, when it comes to the things she cares about. I think every HiME is. It's just our nature." She said shaking her head. "I live in a household of fools."

Without thinking about it, she instinctively pulled herself further onto the bed, running her fingers through carrot colored tresses. "She thinks you're going to learn to hate her, and you're sitting in here crouched into a ball fearing that she's just going to abandon you." The entire debacle could only cause Shizuru to sigh in spite of herself. "And here I am, sitting next to my rival, stroking her hair, because she's in love with my lover, and doesn't even accept it herself." She pulled the cup of tea from Mai's hands deciding she could use a sip of it before she got swept up in the emotional torrent. "I must be the worst fool of all."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Sunday mornings were Natsuki's favorite, as it usually meant that everyone got to sleep in. She stretched out, lazily enjoying the feel of Shizuru's body pressed tightly against her own. Shizuru was prone to cuddling in her sleep, especially after a night like last night. Natsuki winced, she still had the bite mark on her shoulder as proof of just what exactly had gone on, and Mai, who was the earliest riser of all, was still conked out, her ample breasts proving once again to be one of the most comfortable places to lay.

Amidst the tangled mess of limbs, Natsuki continued to lay there contently, her fingers toying with fawn colored locks. Shizuru stirred only slightly, a quiet chuckle slipping from her lips. Natsuki's eye were wandering to all of the most seductive places, and the blankets had fallen into the floor sometime during the night. The sheet was thin, and provided little more than teasing glimpses of well-known territory that the lovers had mapped out long before. "See something you like, Natsuki?" She questioned as emerald eyes quickly lifted from their course.

"Maybe." Natsuki murmured quietly, so that Mai wouldn't wake up from their talking. "Wouldn't be the first time." Even though she was the earliest to rise, she was also the heaviest sleeper. Mikoto's past antics in the dorm were likely to blame. Anyone would need to be a sound sleeper to get any rest with the feral girl in the room…such skill came with time, and was something that she was sure Mai would never loose. "Although, my morning shower sounds even more tempting." She could feel her own legs and frowned. "I need to shave."

Shizuru smiled, knowing Natsuki was as ritualistic and body couscous as ever. "You shave every other morning."

"Yeah, but I didn't yesterday because I was so tired I thought I might cut myself, and then last night, you and your wandering hands wouldn't give me a moment's peace." Natsuki said with a roll of her eyes, feeling as though the amusement in crimson orbs was too overt for her liking. "Let me up..."

Shizuru merely shook her head, amused. "Natsuki really, does it have to be right now?" Natsuki was a fairly hairless girl to begin with, and other than the long mane of hair on her head, and the small patch of curls just above her womanhood that she kept well-trimmed, the rest of her was downy soft, or didn't survive long enough to grow, if Natsuki had her way about it. "You know, I really should record your hygienic routine and put it up on the web, I honestly don't think anyone would believe it."

"I will murder your computer, and anyone who may even glimpse at the video if you do." Natsuki retorted when Shizuru let her up. "There would be no sex for you for years, either."

"Alright, you win." Shizuru said, holding her hands up in mock surrender. "I won't tell a soul."

"You better not." Natsuki groused, though she too, concealed a small smirk, knowing Shizuru was far too possessive of Natsuki to post anything of the sort.

"You do realize who you used to live with, right?" Mai muttered sleepily, having woken up during their conversation. Stretching, she gave an eyeful of her assets to her lovers before meandering across the room to get her robe. "I'm sure Mikoto blabbed all sorts of the things you did." When two pairs of eyes met her own, she simply stifled a yawn and picked up the clothes from the floor. "You know she doesn't censor what she says."

"Don't remind me." Natsuki relented as she marched into the bathroom, unwilling to think about the truth of that statement. "Damn pain in the ass still thinks she can climb all over me."

"That's just her way." Mai replied, knowing that to be the honest truth. She doubted Mikoto would ever grow out of her clingy nature. "So then should we go with a traditional or western breakfast?" Mai asked.

"Meat!" Natsuki muffled with her toothbrush in her mouth.

"You always want meat." Mai retorted, brushing the comment off.

Shizuru just smiled. "I don't have a preference, as long as I'm not forced into protean so early in the morning."

"Western it is, I'll fry her up some bacon." Mai said with a nod. "Crapes okay with you?"

"They sound wonderful, Mai." Shizuru said, relinquishing the second bathroom sink for Mai to use first so that she could go prepare breakfast.

…

(Summer 4 years ago)

Anything to forget.

To pretend it wasn't happening…that it was all just a bad dream, or a vision that simply didn't happen. A fantasy and little more. That's what Mai hoped it would be, but, deep down, she knew the truth. She missed playing house, which was exactly what she was doing when she was in high school. Pretending she had her own little family. In some ways, it wasn't far from the truth.

Her brother was constantly ill, and needed her to keep him in good health. Mikoto depended on her for everything, or at least, it seemed like it. Natsuki also seemed to become used to a routine, and came home as soon as she knew she would be promised dinner. Sometimes, Shizuru was with her, and other times, Shizuru wasn't. No matter what, Natsuki was a daily presence in Mai's life.

Those days had been fleeting, and easy to lose grasp of, but they did happen, and were Mai's fondest memories.

Now that the truth was out in the open, Mai had a hard time denying it. At first, she merely accepted the soothing action of Shizuru's fingers running through her short, messy tresses of hair. That couldn't last forever though, but, they agreed to keep things quiet. Mai had no desire to tell Natsuki how she really felt, and Shizuru didn't want to drag the already conflicted emotions out of Mai any more than she had.

Still, Shizuru had her doubts that it would stay concealed in the shadows forever, because in spite of Mai's greatest efforts, Natsuki knew…she knew and had a nagging urge to say something about it. Natsuki, seeing a problem on the horizon wanted to deal with it, but, Shizuru knew that Natsuki was just preempting trouble.

Caught between a rock and a hard place, Shizuru felt as if she was as out of touch with reality, as she had ever been. Having barely clung onto her sanity in the past, she wondered if she would ever reach such a point again, where reason would give way into madness. Oddly enough, every time she asked herself that, she was happy to find the answer remained the same.

She wasn't going insane, and this battle was the simplest one she ever faced…it was also one she would win by waving the white flag of surrender.

"I'm not saying you shouldn't confront Mai." Shizuru said as they sat at their breakfast table on a rainy midmorning. "I'm saying that this isn't exactly the type of subject you can squeeze out of her." Mai had cooked crapes that morning only to flee out of the house with an excuse to go shopping for supplies. While it was true they were almost out of milk, she could have stayed to eat breakfast, but, Mai seemed incapable of even that much. "She isn't exactly comfortable with it." In fact, Mai's distance was growing alarming.

Natsuki sighed. "It's been weeks, Shizuru. You can tell she's trying to hide it."

"Of course I can, because that's what she decided to do." Shizuru said as she considered the light and flaky pastry that sat on her plate with great care. Mai was doing a flawless job of hiding her feelings, and yet she was silently screaming them, all at the same time. "For the sake of your friendship, she won't say anything at all, because that's the price she's willing to pay."

"She doesn't have to pay it." Natsuki bit out. "That's just torture."

"I know." Shizuru muttered heatedly. "Trust me, I know far better than you even want to admit."

"I don't like mind games." Natsuki finally concluded, having rolled the idea around long enough. "The sooner I just lay it on the line, the sooner we can just deal with it...I can't just sit around and do nothing."

"Yes, that's true." It was nearly sickening how torturous it was, and Shizuru was watching it happen. "Living in limbo is no way to live at all." She hated to admit it, but watching from the sidelines was a painful experience, filled with reminders of her own struggles. Ghost she had long ago put to rest came to life in Mai, and, Shizuru wasn't entirely sure what outcome she wished to see, as none of them would please her. Shizuru knew, no matter what happened, it was going to eat away at her, at least at first. "Consider Mai's feelings. If you acknowledge what she's trying to hide, you'll either have to accept her feelings, or reject them."

"Yeah…" Natsuki frowned, picking at the delicate meal on her plate as if it were her very soul on a platter. "I know that. I never intended to hurt Mai."

"I don't believe Mai ever intended to grow feelings for you, either." Shizuru said with a shrug, as that was the cold hard truth of the matter. "I believe it happened quite unbeknownst to her actually. Our little morning tryst only enlightened her to the fact that she will never have her safe little bubble again. It's forced her to see the life she truly wants." In that, Shizuru could only pity the woman. "She sees that life in you, and that at least, I can understand…just as I can understand the feeling of believing that no matter what she does, she could never attain that future."

"Then what do you want me to do?" Natsuki asked as she slumped into the table, putting her head into her hands, frazzled beyond her wits end. "If everything I want to do is wrong, what's the right answer? What the hell do I say?"

Shizuru bit her lip, she had been fighting with herself over that same question. "One side of myself, that I hate, wants you to reject her…to push her away and tell her to never come around here again." Shizuru murmured, ashamed with her own assessment on the matter. "That's also a side of myself that I know you can never amuse, because that side is nothing more than my own weaknesses coming to the surface." With a hard gulp, she felt her heart lurch into her throat. "Another side tells me that I would do anything to make you happy…anything at all in the world, I would do it for you if I could. I would relinquish anything to ensure your happiness…that includes my place in your heart, if you didn't want me there anymore."

"Damn it...don't say that kind of crap." It was old news, surely…but Natsuki still felt guilty. "That's not the only two things you have going on in your head." Natsuki replied after she took a breath. She could hear it in Shizuru's voice, hidden beneath the surface of things better left unsaid. "There's something else, isn't there?"

"There is." Saying it, however, would be the most difficult thing that Shizuru had ever done in her life. "Mai is not an unlikeable person." Shizuru said slowly. "It's true, she's terrified of her own feelings right now, but I can't say that I wasn't once the same." Clearing her throat, she struggled with herself, because she knew if she even uttered what was on her mind, it would easily change the way things were without question. "She has many good qualities, and, I do enjoy her company. She's nice enough…pretty enough…and besides, it isn't as if we're the epitome of normal anyway, correct?"

"Shizuru…" Natsuki tried to fathom what her lover was implying, coming up short. "There are so many things wrong with that…I don't even know where to start."

"How?" Shizuru said then, her question probing.

"Well, it's just not right." Natsuki said, shaking her head. "I'm in love with you…and damn it, if I have to go through hell and high water to prove that, I will."

"So you'll reject her?" Shizuru said quietly. "Could you even do that?"

"I would need to, now wouldn't I?" Natsuki muttered, her own self-loathing evident.

"Knowing that she may walk away because she'll have no other choice?" Shizuru shook her head. "Don't be so foolish."

"Mai won't walk away." Natsuki said knowingly. "I'd like to think I know her well enough to know that."

"Don't be so willing to act without regard to her own desires." Shizuru's voice was gaining an edge, and it was a very distinct one, laced with its own darkness. "She's already trying to avoid being in the same room as much as she can. I don't think Mai would have the strength to simply be friends with you…not while I'm here putting our relationship in her face." Shizuru wouldn't even amuse that, her higher mind getting the better over her angry heart just once. "Natsuki, you're playing with fire, and truth be told, you've never been very good at something like that."

"You think Mai would lose it?" Natsuki asked in disbelief. "I won't let it get that far."

"No, I don't either of you would." Shizuru finally said after some thought. "However, I think if you act too rashly, and continue to twist yourself in confused conflict, you'll only get burned in the end." She took a sip of the now cold tea that had been on the table for nearly an hour. "Give me some time with Mai, before you go and do something that I know you'll regret."

"I should let you make the regrets instead?" Natsuki just shook her head. "I've done that enough."

"Stop..." Shizuru said pointedly. "Just stop, Natsuki." She licked her lips, she felt angry, but had no idea at who. She wanted to scorn Mai, but what good would it do? "It hurts...but, it would cause me all the more pain, if you simply write off someone's feelings as if they were a mere joke. She cares about you, if you can't make a clean break, all you're going to do is hurt all of us."

"I'll do whatever I have to do." Natsuki said then, backing down, but not liking it.

Shizuru just shook her head, seeing the desperateness in emerald eyes. Natsuki was trying so hard to find the right path, and there simply wasn't one there to take. "Love is about desire...you have to want it...the same goes for drawing lines. You'd have to want to put space between yourself and Mai. The truth is, I don't think you do."


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: a short chapter, since chapter 7 is a long one...

**Chapter 6**

"Just like that." Shizuru said, guiding Mai's hands as they spun the pottery clay. "You have to be firm, but gentle with it, let the momentum do the work, and simply form the shape with your hands."

"I can't believe Natsuki let you put all of this equipment in the barn." Mai said as she continued the task of making a simple vase. "She was so intent on getting horses."

"She doesn't have the time." Shizuru said with a laugh. "Besides, she's rolling in puppies down at the shelter, and I'm sure she probably has them running all over her inner office when no one's looking…probably the same with the other animals too. I would bet the Fujino fortune she actually naps with them in the attached yard on hot afternoons."

Mai nodded, also grateful the household wasn't covered in animal hair. She glanced up at the top of the barn, where Mikoto was napping in a corner along with the two stray cats that she had befriended. "We really should let Natsuki bring home one dog." Mai said slowly, as her foot pressed on a pedal to keep her clay work spinning. "One dog really can't hurt, can it?"

"I've often considered that, long before she opened the shelter." Shizuru replied as she began to fire up the kiln. "I believe some distance is important for her, and I believe that's why she hasn't asked. Natsuki could very well keep a dog around, if she really wanted one. The truth is, I think she's afraid to be hurt by the loss. An animal would not outlive her lifetime, and she knows one day, she would have to say goodbye." Such a thing was not without precedent, and that's what worried Shizuru. "There is nothing that terrifies Natsuki more than the thought of losing someone dear to her. I believe she will prevent that fear any possible way she can."

"Which explains why she wasn't willing to be friendly with anyone when she was young." Mai said, finally seeing Shizuru's point. "It's a shame, I thought she'd be willing to come out of her shell a little more."

"She probably doesn't see the need." Shizuru agreed none the less, but Natsuki wasn't a people person by nature. "I don't think she'll ever try to keep casual friends, but with you and I around she feels contented enough I suppose. I wouldn't worry about it."

"She has Takumi too." Mai murmured as she considered that. "He's still my little brother. She can always talk to him, if she wanted."

"He doesn't come around much." Shizuru finally took a breath, and asked what had been toying with her mind. "Have you told him the truth?"

"I don't know how to tell him." Mai admitted, glancing at her now sculpted pottery. "He's very accepting of things, always has been, so I know he will accept this without question." Even so, Mai wondered what kind of response she would face from his brash, and sometimes overbearing wife. "I wanted to tell him, but, then I realized, he's oddly perceptive about things like that."

"Even so, shouldn't the two of you share that exchange?" It was a passing thought, but one that would leave wisps of concern anyway. They were those niggling little thoughts that troubled Shizuru.

Mai just laughed. "Siblings that are as close as we are, well, they kind of just know instinctively. Talking sometimes just isn't a requirement." Takumi was always careful of his sister's feelings anyway. It was a strange thing between them, as if, they both feared to walk on broken glass. "Even if I did tell him, it's not like Takumi to say one thing or the other about it."

"I see." Shizuru said, although not put at ease. "Well, I suppose it's alright then."

"Mai…" The feral girl called from the top of the barn. "When are we going to eat, we're hungry!" As if to make the statement clear, the cats began to meow for food.

"One on the dot." Shizuru said after glancing at her watch.

"See, exactly like clockwork." Mai said as she looked up to the ceiling. "Let me clean up a little bit first." She said with a smile, amazed that Mikoto had yet to grow up mentally. She was still as wild as ever. "You should probably wash up too, you've been running through the fields all afternoon."

"But why?" Mikoto looked herself over with a shrug. "I'm fine." She protested.

"No food until you've washed up." Mai ordered in her motherly tone, which only made Shizuru giggle. "Just because you can't see something doesn't mean it isn't there."

There were never truer words spoken in Shizuru opinion, and as she began to spruce up the barn, she considered that.

…

(Summer 4 years ago)

"It's my job to do this." Mai said, as she pulled the towel out of Natsuki's hands. "You have better things to be doing."

"Shut up." Natsuki growled, yanking the towel back, continuing to dry the dishes. "I'm helping out because I'm not some lazy asshole, like some of the guys I know." Her eyes were glaring daggers into the plate, but for what it was worth, at least she kept her composure. "Besides, I live here too, and even if it is a job, you need a break sometimes."

"Alright." Mai relented, continuing to wash and rinse the dishes, depositing them on the drying rack to drain. "If you're really that bored, I don't mind, it's just I thought you had other tasks to do."

"I don't." Again, Natsuki kept her dead down when violet eyes began to search her. "What!?"

"Woah…easy there." Mai laughed as she pulled the last bowl from the soapy water. "What's got you all edgy, Natsuki?"

"I'm not edgy…" The woman of raven tresses bit out. "I'm just trying to spend time with my good friend, is that a crime?"

Mai smiled in spite of herself, and yet, she couldn't help but feel a deep sadness. "Thank you, Natsuki." Mai said quietly as she drained the deep sink and hung her apron on the nearby wooden peg that jutted out just the slightest bit from the wall. "But you know, you don't have to be careful about it." Her fingers traced the white fabric, and she forced herself to push away the pain. "It's okay, you know? You don't have to pretend anymore…I'll be alright."

"See, this is why girls are a pain in the ass." Natsuki said as she turned around, now feeling her own anger bubbling to the surface. "Guys have issues and they punch each other in the face. One good fight, and they get it over with…god, the two of you can't even admit that much." Putting a hand to her face, a string of invectives left her lips as she sighed deeply. Then, emerald eyes stared an icy fire into Mai. "I know how to deal with guys, you beat them in the head once…and they get it…chicks are like…I don't even know!"

"Interesting words for a woman who's just as deeply conflicted as we are." Shizuru said then as she came into the kitchen. "Natsuki, please, we talked about this."

"Why on god's green earth are you torturing yourselves!" Natsuki said as she looked between them. "Not to mention me while you're at it."

"Because we love you." Shizuru said, grabbing Natsuki by the shoulders. "Now, just go on, and find some way to decompress."

"No…" Natsuki shook her head, her eyes closed as she shook visibly. Petrified, but by what, Shizuru wasn't sure…the fawn haired woman doubted that even Natsuki understood what worried her so much at times. "I'm not doing this." Looking at Mai was like looking at a crucifix. "I can't do this." She could feel her legs giving way beneath her, but she couldn't stop her fall in time, she crumpled into the hard wood. "I can't…I just can't."

The problem was, Natsuki didn't know what she couldn't do. Her mind was a staggering, a slow crawl of memories she didn't want to have, tugged at her mind. Fears that she had buried and locked away were untying the knots of a past she didn't want to revisit. Now that she found one ounce of peace in her life, she never wanted to fight again…she fought too hard before, she wouldn't do it again…wouldn't get torn between two odds, ripped from what little comfort she knew of.

Yet, being alone was a cold, lonely way to live, and she knew she couldn't do that again either.

when she forced herself to open her eyes, Mai was kneeling down next to her. A shared look of concern in crimson and violet made Natsuki wince and feel sick on the inside. She sighed then. "I'm fine." Natsuki said, though both of them knew she was fibbing as she pushed her way out of Shizuru's embrace. "I'm fine..." She said again. "But I can't do this." She gestured between the three of them. "It wouldn't work...and, even if it could, you don't know what you guys are asking for. You don't get it."

"Trust my instincts." Shizuru told her. "Trust that I understand."

"What would that do in the end?" Natsuki pointed out, she turned to Mai. "You can't want this...can you?"

Mai knelt unmoving, as she considered that with the desperate plea that Natsuki had voiced such a question with. It was a condemning one. "I want to find my place." Mai finally said with great difficulty. "If that place is with you, with both of you, then I feel as if it might be worth it...the gamble might be worthwhile."

Natsuki nodded wordlessly, but when she looked back to Shizuru, she was unsure what lingered in crimson eyes. Thankfully, the fawn haired woman left nothing to the imagination when she spoke. "I'm not asking you to accept this blindly. I'm asking you to trust us...do that much Natsuki."

"This is so fucked up." Natsuki muttered. "But okay...you want trust, I'll give you that." With a sigh she stood up. "Just don't ask me to give you anything more than that right now."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Parks were never her favorite place to be.

Since Natsuki owned an animal shelter, she had many animals that depended on her. When her employees didn't show up she had to be the one to take responsibility, and as such, it was rare for her to have a day off. It was even more obscure for her to take an afternoon strictly for herself, as normally, the animals demanded her attention just as much as her rag-tag bunch of employees…

day project. It was true, she wasn't exactly an employee, but, she did sleep at the shelter, and that meant she was there, complicating matters. So, on the snowball's chance in hell that Natsuki actually had a moment of peace away from the barking dogs, mewing kittens, squawking birds, and the one lone snake she had no idea what to do with, she endeavored to be as far away from animals as she could be.

One look at her watch indicated that Shizuru was still at work, and would be for several hours, likely scorning the entire office during that time. Natsuki and Mai had the afternoon to themselves. Natsuki wasn't thrilled with being dragged out of the house, but Mai was a hard person to refuse...and so, even though she wasn't a nature person, when that nature included screaming kids and nosey busybodies, Natsuki let Mai carry her along for the ride anyway.

It made the carrot top happy, and really, that was all that mattered.

So, as they walked they walked across the long park pathway, Natsuki was only a little uneasy about some of the looks passersby gave her. Mai didn't seem to care as she leaned in, their arms linked, and their hands joining, hidden by one of Natsuki's large coat pockets. She took the affection in quiet stride, and welcomed it, thinking that Mai might be growing used to small little notions of public displays, and, as so long as they stayed small and significantly personal, Natsuki was all too willing to return the favor.

Even though she knew no one could see her thumb running circles over the back of Mai's hand, she knew the girl could feel it, and the occasional gentle squeeze that accompanied it. They couldn't remain in their own little bubble forever though, and Mai's friend made that known. "Hey guys." The shout carried on the wind, and Natsuki's sharp eyes were the first to spot Chie in the distance. Aoi was next to her, and it seemed the picnic spot had already been claimed. "Over here."

"Chie!" Mai beamed, quite happy to see her good friends, though, they didn't meet up as much as they used to. Today it was a special treat, and Mai, exuberant as always, came prepared with her signature sandwiches and even some treats for the little one sure to be there. "Oh, it's so good to see you guys!" Mai said as Natsuki just gave a quiet nod to greet the others.

"It's been a while." Chie agreed, as Aoi came to stand beside her, a little one in her arms, clinging shyly to her.

"This must be Kai. Oh my god, she's so cute, Aoi." The baby looked too much like both of them, and finally Mai couldn't help herself. "She has your eyes Chie."

"And her hair." Natsuki agreed a bit distantly, uncomfortable around small children by lack of experience, she tried to put herself between Mai and the baby, as if that would somehow solve everything. "What gives, I thought Aoi carried the squirt...at least that's what Mai said every time you sent us letters."

"Hmm." The Chie nodded, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose as she regarded the baby. "We get that a lot. A distant cousin on my father's side was the donor. My father's gene pool runs strong." Then with a grin, she tussled the little girl's hair. "She's got mommy's shyness though, that's for sure."

Natsuki chuckle. "Cute." She didn't make any move to get close to the child, but, still found herself curious anyway. "How old?" She asked, peering over Mai's shoulder to get a better look.

"Thirteen months." Aoi replied, as they all began to get comfortable on the blanket they had put across the ground. "It's hard to imagine how much changed since we were last here."

"I wish you would move back." Mai said with an air of sadness. "I miss you guys, and so does Takumi."

"We were thinking about it, but we just don't have the same kind of support here." Chie said scratching the back of her head. "Staying with Aoi's family takes a lot of burden off of my shoulders. Being a pilot, I travel a lot, and I need to know she'll be looked after when I'm not here."

"Takumi moved in with Akira's family for the same reason." Mai nodded, as she looked to Natsuki, trying to see her reaction. "We were trying to get him to move in with us, but he said that he didn't want to be a burden…so, he moved in with her after high school. They got married, but there wasn't a ceremony, if you can believe that."

"Akira had the right idea." Natsuki said, knowing that Mai was looking for some sort of approval to speak about family matters. She wasn't altogether comfortable with having open displays of affection in front of Chie, a known blabber mouth, but for Mai's sake, she put her arm around the busty woman. Looking to Mai's friends she cleared her throat, still not used to dealing with them. "You know…we uh, don't have an environment conducive to Akira's lifestyle. We're kind of strange, you know how that is." Natsuki coughed uncomfortably.

"Uh, yeah." Chie said with a shrug. "I can understand that."

"Oh please, it isn't any more strange than the military invading our high school, if you remember that." Aoi tried to break the tense air around them, but the momentary nervousness that flashed in both emerald and violet eyes, made Aoi reconsider her approach. "So everything is going good right?"

"Oh, yeah, I guess." Natsuki said, with a nod. "Some old, same old…"

"Well, I wouldn't say that it's the same…we do have some news." Mai protested with a laugh of her own, trying to keep Natsuki calm, an endeavor made difficult considering Chie and Aoi were outsiders in Natsuki's personal opinion. "Akira's got a little one on the way. A boy."

"Bet Takumi's proud of that." Chie said then with a smile of her own.

"When he isn't freaking out." Natsuki retorted, knowing that to be the case. "He should be letting his wife worry about him, not the other way around."

"That's Takumi for you." Chie shrugged.

Mai agreed with that, and after a soft sigh, she gained a peaceful air about her. "He's just nervous. He'll be a good father, I know it." Then she changed her attention to the child that Aoi still held. "Want to come to me?" Mai asked, holding out her hands, but the child wanted nothing to do with Mai, and hid her face into Aoi's shoulder. "So shy, aren't you?"

"Don't think she's interested." Natsuki answered, crossing her arms, still keeping her distance from the child at hand. "Might want to just leave her alone, Mai."

"You know Mai, with your little brother getting one up on you, don't you think it's time you guys started thinking about kids?" Chie asked, watching with good humor as Natsuki visually blanched at the statement.

"You'd make a great mom." Aoi added for good measure. "It's just in your nature, and I know you've always wanted a big family."

The thought had crossed Mai's mind a few times, but she had brushed it off. "Maybe…one day…" she turned to glance at Natsuki, trying to offer a disarming smile. she knew Natsuki wasn't fond of children, or rather, she was afraid of dealing with them, and their innocent perception. "If we're all okay with it." She added then.

"Why wouldn't you be okay with it?" Aoi questioned, prying, perhaps a little too deeply for Natsuki's liking.

"Because it's a kid." The woman of midnight tresses grumbled, as if that very fact answered everything.

Mai came to the rescue with a shrug, glancing over to a very uncomfortable Natsuki. "We've never talked about it." She said, patting the woman's thigh. "To be honest, I haven't felt ready myself. It's true that I've always wanted children personally, but we've all kept ourselves very busy. We just haven't had the time for a child, let alone considering the prospect of one."

"I'm not good with kids." Natsuki said then with a shake of her head. "To be honest, I don't think I'd ever make a good parent. Knowing me, I would probably warp it."

"You would not." Mai chided with an off-colored smile. "You would probably be one of the best parents a kid could have...especially to a little girl."

"Mai!" Natsuki barked, not wanting to give off that kind of impression to anyone. Though, in Mai's defense, Natsuki agreed that was probably true, in it's own way.

"Trust me, I didn't think I would be a good parent either. Things change." Chie agreed, she still doubted herself all the time, especially when she was away for work. "You know, you guys have overcome a lot of crazy things in your lives."

"You don't know the half of it." Natsuki muttered, hiding the wince when Mai pinched her in response. Her friends still didn't know all of the intimate details of the HiME battles, and Mai wanted to keep it that way. That was fine, in Natsuki's mind...but her mouth still got the better of her occasionally. "It's just that it would be a lot for a kid to handle, having three parents and all."

Aoi gave that some thought. "You guys could probably accomplish anything if you really wanted to try." She said slowly, looking down at her own daughter, and thinking about the daily trials that came along with her. "I think parenting would be a natural thing for you all in your own ways…especially for Mai."

Natsuki let loose a nervous laugh. "It's not that I think we can't…it's that I don't know if we should." Licking her lips, she found herself unable to explain, and shrugged, letting Mai lean into her. "If it comes down to it, I think we'd be okay…but, I've never been around kids, so I don't know much about them."

"That's true." Mai agreed quietly. "But, everything in our lives has been a learning experience, hasn't it?"

"Yeah." Natsuki murmured with a warmth that Chie and Aoi had never known Natsuki to possess. "You're right about that."

…

(Summer 4 years ago)

"I don't understand the point of this." Mai sighed as she sat in the traditional style tea room that hadn't been used in months. It was the first time she stepped into the often locked place of sanctuary. Shizuru was the only one who ever seemed to enjoy brewing tea, and, she tended to do it on her own.

"We lack history." Shizuru said simply. "Natsuki and I have a shared history together, and you also have your own cherished memories of such times with Natsuki." As she pulled out her supplies from one of the cupboards, she tossed Mai a small understanding glance. "You and I don't share such meaningful times together, and that's merely an unfortunate thing. We should rectify that."

Mai could tell however, that this was no casual meeting for tea. The Kyoto native was donned in a kimono, her hair was done up elaborately. Although it was no question that Shizuru was beautiful, it was clear that she had other ideas in mind. Afternoon tea was merely an afterthought. "Please, don't worry about me." Mai said preemptively, feeling a hard blow to her ego just on the horizon. "I'll be alright…you don't have to do this."

Shizuru brought back the things she required and set them neatly onto the table. Seeing that Mai was uncomfortable, Shizuru decided to go with the direct approach. With slow, measured movements, she cupped Mai's face with the palm of her hand, her crimson eyes searching for, and finding hesitancy…along with plenty of confusion. "I'll admit, my courting habits may be a little rusty, as Natsuki and I never really had a proper dating phase. It all happened so quickly, that we simply accepted our feelings for what they were, and dove headlong into all of the aspects that our love entailed." Then Shizuru smiled a little bit, and lowered her hand.

She could tell such a bold move would be too soon for Mai, who seemed skittish at the mere touch. There was a small comfort to be had at that.

Instead, she settled herself in front of the tea set, gesturing for Mai to do the same. "I do not have that same bond with you, as I had the chance to build with Natsuki. I don't find it easy to welcome you into my heart, nor my bed as things stand now." Shizuru smiled, though it was clear there was some pain in her eyes. "However, fate changes every day, and I'm not so foolish to believe a heart can only hold one person…although, I do believe that having the ability to love two people faithfully, is a nearly impossible task. It isn't for the faint of heart…but, we are no average women in any capacity."

"Natsuki has no idea you're doing this, does she?" Mai asked then, feeling guilty. Her mind trying to fit the unusual pieces together.

"I've asked her to trust my instincts on the matter." Shizuru explained as she began to prepare her own, signature tea. "I'm sure she has some idea, but, I've not gone over the particulars, and, I don't intend to." Giving a soft bow, her crimson eyes met violet with a sense of duty that Mai hadn't seen before. It was forthright, and filled with its own unquestionable doubt. "I have many flaws, and like vices, they claw within me at the worst of times. Even so, I ask that you accept all of me as I am, or none of me at all."

"If you're doing this for Natsuki's sake I-"

"I'm not." Shizuru said sharply. A quiet and pained edge in her voice made Mai fall silent. "I'm doing this for myself." She knew, this was her vice, as it so gripped her. "In my heart, and in my head, Natsuki has always been mine. My love for her is a very possessive type of romance, as I am such a person." Shizuru murmured quietly. "It's not that I'm doing this for her, but that I selfishly refuse to risk losing her to you at all."

"It was never my intention to steal her away." Mai murmured. "I never asked to feel this way, or for you to consider my own emotions in the matter."

"That's true." Shizuru conceded. "However, if I refused to see your feelings, I would also refuse Natsuki's. You would be unable to remain at her side, watching from afar. Even if you could, Natsuki would never want you to try, and I would be forced to watch her make a very grave mistake." Her crimson eyes were piercing, trying to convey the darkness of her very words. "So, because she is mine, you must become mine as well."

"Yours..." Mai said, as if tasting the word upon her lips.

Shizuru swallowed hard. "Yes, mine." She forced herself to take a deep steadying breath. "Any woman of hers, must be a woman of mine…that is the conclusion I have decided upon." She closed her eyes, nearly ashamed of that detail, as it so encompassed her. "It's without question, Natsuki will understand my view." Opening her eyes again, she searched those of violet that seemed so very lost, moisture indicating that inwardly, Mai's heart was on the verge of drowning. "That is to say, that you would never lay a finger on her, until I have lain mine on you. I would never allow her to feel love for you, unless I can do the same. You must be able to love both of us, and I must be able to love you. If that can't happen, then, I can't allow you to feel anything for my Natsuki…and, she is mine, make no mistake."

"I don't know if I can." Mai said quietly, her voice trembling. "I'm not very good at acting on my feelings, and you're both women. I'm inexperienced as it is, but this is completely new ground." Anyway she looked at it, she couldn't come to grips with the things that tugged at her mind. "Besides, it might not even be true love, and if it isn't, this would bring nothing but pain." Then, she bit her lower lip, as a second, more frightening thought came to mind. "Or if I truly love her, I might not be able to feel the same way for you." That too, would bring Mai only pain.

Shizuru understood all too well just how high the gamble was, and yet even so, she was willing to make the bet. She held the cards, and she was in control, she knew that. Even so, she couldn't read Mai's heart. "Yes, I know." Shizuru finally nodded. "However, I'm still asking to court you, asking you to trust that I understand what I'm doing." With a nod of her head, she made that fact known. "I don't make requests such as this lightly, though if you refuse, I will understand."

"I won't refuse." Mai said after a few tense moments. "Even so, I'm…"

She didn't need to say it, Shizuru could already tell the girl was terrified of this new, and unknown outcome. Again, she reached the palm of her hand out to Mai's cheek, feeling the quaking beneath her fingertips, it was amusing to have that much power over an individual willingly. "Trust me." Shizuru murmured as she leaned in close, giving Mai a chance to pull away if the carrot top had wanted to. Her thumb ran over Mai's lower lip as a warning before she leaned in, taking Mai's lips as her own.

It wasn't an unwelcome feeling, they both agreed…but even so, the doubt remained unspoken between them, an agreed truth that this might not work as well as one might hope.

When Shizuru pulled away, her breath was baited, and she had to admit, she hadn't expected to taste the temptation so strongly...if fact, she hadn't anticipated that it would be there at all. Since it was, quite strongly at that, she had to force down the thick bubbling in the pit of her gut. "Now then, I should serve the tea." She murmured, still uneasy about what she had done, and the invitation she'd made.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Lazy afternoons were a mixed blessing on rainy days. Natsuki tried to remain upbeat, but it was a clear struggle some days, and others, it was simply impossible. There were times, even she felt as if it was pointless to get up and do anything and simply gazed outside without moving for hours on end. today, however, she had woken with surprisingly high spirits, even though there was nothing to keep her busy.

"So the end of the month date is coming up. It is Mai's turn to take you out." The woman of midnight tresses stretched lazily as she tried to keep herself occupied. "Any idea where the two of you are going this time?" Natsuki asked as she flipped a few pages in her magazine, resting her head on Shizuru's lap for lack of a pillow.

"I don't know." The other woman said with a gentle shrug. "To be honest, I think Mai's at her best when she's doing the cooking. She's a sweetheart, but going out to places has never been her forte." She played idly with the long midnight tresses that flowed over her lap like silk, as she eyed the news program with mild interest. The traffic and weather reports =gave life to the otherwise soundless room. "I don't think she enjoys it nearly as much as we do, and I'm sure she feels out of place sometimes."

"Got to hand it to her, she's an easy date." Natsuki said, flipping to a page that didn't have nearly naked women plastered all over them. "Something to be said for the usual."

"Pizza and ice cream?" Shizuru said with an upturned eyebrow, knowing that was one of Natsuki's favorite things to do.

"Don't knock it if it works. Besides, it's the only time she hears me sing willingly, and she hates to pass that up." Natsuki said, hoping Shizuru wouldn't pry, but that little bit of news was to die for. "Anyway, I don't care when the room's sound proof."

"Karaoke?" Shizuru couldn't suppress her smirk even if she wanted to. "How on god's green earth does she manage that?"

"We're alone, and a few glasses of bubbly doesn't hurt anything either." Natsuki said, having finished thumbing through her magazine. "What, you didn't think I could con the culinary expert into pizza that easily, did you?"

"You convince me easily enough." Shizuru replied then, leaning down to give Natsuki a kiss, her fingers drawing patterns that teased their way down the cotton fabric of Natsuki's shirt, before sliding underneath completely, drifting over the soft, but strong abs Natsuki took the greatest of care over.

As they parted, Natsuki couldn't help the silly grin on her face. Playful trouble danced at the edges of Shizuru's eyes, and there was something exciting about that. "Well, that's true, but you and I have our own spots too. Like that one in the park, behind the really big tree. That's your favorite picnic spot, and, don't forget that little vegan hole in the wall that you like so much. Not to mention, the bistro on the corner boulevard. I was thinking maybe we should do that again one day." When Natsuki thought about it, she had many places that she only went with Shizuru, and, she was starting to have just as many places that she only went with Mai…she assumed Shizuru was the same. "So, you've heard where we go whenever I utter the word pizza. Where do you usually take Mai?"

Shizuru had to think on it a bit. "Well, I know you're not into the night club scene, but Mai is. I take her dancing when she's in the mood for something more active than dinner and a movie." Shizuru said in retrospect. "She's actually quite the dancer. Most of our dates are low key. Like you said, Mai has a limit to how overt she'll be in public, and I enjoy our dates better when she's able to be as affectionate as she wants."

"Four years." Natsuki murmured then, as she knew the actual anniversary was right around the corner. "We should do something big for it."

"You say that every year, and though I commend you for such endeavors, I'm sure it'll get tiring." Shizuru replied as she tried to think about what to do, drawing a blank. "It's hard to top a trip to France in any case, so, I think this year, we should remain in the country. Although, that was quite the enjoyable vacation."

"We need to think of something." Natsuki pouted.

Shizuru wanted to return to old places, and an idea caught her mind. "Well, I do have one idea, but, that's not my main concern." Shizuru bit her lower lip, coming to a steadfast conclusion. "There's something else I want to do first, but, you would have to wear a dress."

"A dress?" Natsuki commented, sitting up with a hint of surprise. "Where exactly would we be going?"

"Nowhere, but that's not the point." Shizuru shook her head. "I'll only tell you if you'll agree to wear a dress."

"You are nothing but trouble when you aren't impeded by pants." Natsuki murmured, recalling the last time she ever wore something like that. A blush tinged her cheeks darkly, and she shook her head. "Knowing you, you'll make a mess out of us." She knew that because Shizuru was known for her wandering hands. "I really don't see why I have to wear a dress in my own house."

"You weren't complaining last time you had on that little strapless cocktail dress." Shizuru replied with just a hint of longing in her voice. "Besides, what I have in mind demands that I maintain a sense of dignity."

"That's great, but why the dress?" Natsuki asked, unsure just what Shizuru was planning. "Can't I just wear the tux I was forced into when we went to the photographer?" Natsuki begged, knowing that the powder blue suit was formal enough for any event that would ever arise again. "I would think that would work, don't you?"

"Before our anniversary, I would like to host a formal dinner party, Natsuki." Shizuru finally said, coming to her own conclusions on the matter. "A small gathering, surely. However, I've come to realize that we've done not nearly enough to facilitate ourselves into Mai's life. It would mean a lot to me if you would come out of your shell a little bit for this event."

"I can do that, I don't need to wear a damn dress for it." Natsuki growled, only causing Shizuru to chuckle.

"Natsuki, please. You're a headstrong person, but I don't want this dinner to give off any false impressions." Having said that, she cupped Natsuki's cheek, her lips claiming the other woman's, as talented fingers mapped out territory provided by the low cut shirt Natsuki wore. Parting to gaze into emerald eyes, Shizuru could feel the all too familiar hunger in the pit of her very soul, wishing to devour this woman before her. "I want people to see the woman that you really are, not the feigned image of borderline masculinity that you want them to see."

Pushing up the thin mineral of Natsuki's shirt, dragging it over her head in one fluid motion, Shizuru's palm ran across toned abs that rippled in response. A soft, breathy sigh fell heavily into the air, as Natsuki released the clasp of her own bra, leaving herself on display. "What is it?" Natsuki asked, her voice just a little softer, gentler that it normally was, as being in such a position had its own power over her.

"This is the side of you only we see." Shizuru murmured, taking her time to burn the image into her memory. With each caress, her fingers left gooseflesh in their wake. "You're too beautiful, it really is a crime, Natsuki."

Shizuru had power that was unrelenting, and her voice, like that of silk, bespoke promises that Natsuki was all too eager to give into. She unbuttoned her jeans, lacy black panties peaking from between the fly of the zipper as Natsuki pleadingly guided Shizuru's hand between the maddening fabric, and tempting womanhood. "Please." She murmured, resting her head on Shizuru's shoulder.

A harsh and heated a gasp, was stifled as she got her wish.

…

(Summer 4 years ago)

If anything in the world held true about Natsuki, it was that she walked a very fine line of feminine insecurity, and masculine dominance.

That wasn't something many understood well, as she often came off as bad tempered and blindly aggressive. She could be as cold and unapproachable as winter's cave…and just as deadly as the very icicles that would cling to such a cavern. However, just like such caves held life, and mystery, Natsuki was not as she outwardly appeared. She was beautiful, something many would comment on, but Shizuru knew the truth of that.

Natsuki's underwear collection was something that spoke volumes on the matter, but, it was not the only indication that the emerald eyed woman gifted. When it came to her true nature, there were plenty of small signs. Natsuki was one of the most obsessive women Shizuru had ever met when it came to particular routines, and that was simply how Natsuki was…the facts were unchangeable…not that anyone in their right of mind would want to try.

Natsuki's junk food diet was often swayed by her athletic stamina and rigorous workout routines. Her midnight hair was so long, not just because it suited her, but because it was one of the few things she allowed herself to openly fuss over. It was, as Natsuki believed, her right as a female to have long hair…and, so even though it appeared flawless, there was a great deal of care put into each long tendril. It was also her proclaimed birthright to groom herself incessantly and hog the hot water in the shower, if she saw fit.

Her attire was just as whimsical as Natsuki herself. She had several ensembles that took a sharp lurch towards edgy and form fitting, low cut black tops and leather not hiding a single curve. Natsuki also had her own fair share of jeans from the male sections of department stores, not to mention the baggy, comfortable shirts to go along with them. Most of them sported video game slogans, or some sort of off colored remark.

If she liked it, she bought it, and it was as simple as that. Natsuki was a fine line in everything she did, and so, it wasn't always easy to understand her.

Maybe that was why there was a shared sense of hesitancy between the three of them, as the one person who was normally unwavering had no answer to gift this odd, troubling romance that threatened to consume them. It was true that Shizuru felt insecure about Mai in general, and amusing such a twisted romance made her nervous.

Still, hand in hand with Mai, Shizuru sat along a rocky, steep outcropping that was just below a curve in the freeway. A place that was both sacred ground, and an unspoken grave. Sand and salt were dried in the crevices of rocks and the ocean occasionally misted them when waves crashed hard upon the rock face. It was a strange place for a first date, but a dark, befitting one.

"It's beautiful." Mai commented after some time merely watching the waves.

"It is." Shizuru agreed. "It's also very lonely, I think."

"hmm?" Mai turned to look at Shizuru. "but why? It's so beautiful out there, the sky's just perfect."

"When I first met Natsuki, she would bring me here without telling me what was so important about this particular cliff." Shizuru explained as they watched the sun set into the distant clouds. "She would stand and stare off, looking at some unseen thing. I would lean on her bike and watch her so intently, trying to figure out the mystery." It was simply a distant memory now. "When the HiME battles were in their prime, Natsuki would come more often by herself, and because I was worried about her, I would follow in the shadows." It was how Shizuru knew these rocks were okay to sit on, and how she knew no one would see them from up on the roadway.

"Did she ever find out?" Mai was almost afraid of the answer to that.

"No." Shizuru replied slowly. "Or, rather, if she ever did, she's never said a word."

"Well, she liked to go wandering off a lot." Mai shrugged. "Sometimes I wonder if she'll just pack up her bike one day and just never look back."

"I don't think she will. She's in too deep here, she cares about others, she couldn't just abandon that." Shizuru said, though, she was also unsure of that fact. "I wonder what her mother was like, because then I might be able to understand Natsuki a little better."

Mai shrugged. "I don't think Natsuki even has a picture of her."

"If she does, I've never seen it, but Natsuki's sentimental in that way." Shizuru agreed with a sigh. This place gave her such comfort, but also, left her feeling as if the very ocean around her would swallow her up. "It bothers me that I never had the chance to meet the woman. Although, I think if I had the chance, I might very well slap her. For putting Natsuki through such grief…maybe my wrath would have extended to her as well…maybe, it was a blessing that she was killed by the waves."

"I guess it's easy to be angry." Mai shrugged, a little uneasily. "Or at least depressed."

Shizuru didn't give any indication to either feeling, at least, not outwardly. "The thing I hate the most, is that Natsuki is torn between loving the mother she thought she knew, and the logical events that took place without question." She pushed some fawn hair behind her ear, and turned to Mai. "I hate that I never knew her mother, so, I can't possibly comfort Natsuki." Then, hesitantly, she licked her lips. "What was your mother like?"

Caught aback by the question, Mai took in a breath. "Kind..." She said hesitantly. She hadn't expected to have the question turned back at her like that. "My mom had this zest for life like you wouldn't believe. She looked to every day like it was some kind of new adventure, or something. Like Takumi, she had a weak constitution. Cardiovascular problems run in our family. I dodged a medical bullet." It was hard to talk about, and yet, oddly refreshing. "Atrial septal defect, it's called…"

"What's that?" Shizuru asked, a concern now dragging through her words like a slow knife. "I've never heard of it before."

"Well, it's a hole in the heart that doesn't close completely." Mai said, speaking the old, rehearsed line that she had told her brother long ago. "In some cases it can be really dangerous."

"It must have been hard for you." Shizuru didn't know what to say to that, but, felt a grim undercurrent to the calm violet eyes that so easily gazed into her. "I'm sorry to bring such a thing back into your mind."

"It's alright." Mai said, swallowing hard. "This isn't the first time, it won't be the last." With a cough, she cleared her throat. "My mother's was never corrected when she was a child, and even though she tried to pretend she could do anything. The fact was, she was really weak." Her mother was gone, and even though it wasn't a huge secret, it wasn't something she spoke of often. In fact, it was the first time she'd spoken of the defect since Takumi himself had been diagnosed. "When Takumi was little, he fell into the river and couldn't swim. It was raining that day, so the water level was higher than normal. Mom dove in after him, but the hole in her heart was large, and she overexerted herself."

"She drowned?" Shizuru murmured, but Mai shook her head.

"She had an irregular heartbeat to start with, but, that kind of activity was fatal." Mai released a shaky sigh, as the salty waters misted over them once again, as if the very sea around them wept for her. "When she was in the water, it started to beat irregularly at a violent rate. They decided an emergency surgery to correct the hole might save her when the drugs stopped working, but we both know how that ends."

She could feel Shizuru's arms wrap around her, as she closed her eyes, the vivid memory of the last time she spoke to her mother flashed in her mind. "The thing is, Takumi was born with no symptoms at all, but, just like mom, the older he got, the more we noticed his loss of breath, and other little things." Forcing herself to clear her throat, Mai continued. "I was lucky I had Takumi, I didn't have time to feel bad. He was so little at the time. He had to do everything with me. Our dad had to work, so, Takumi and I were on our own a lot."

With a sigh, Mai forced herself to smile. "It's hard, realizing that he's old enough to take care of himself. I've had to take those few steps back from him, and now that I'm out of high school, I'm even further away. I know Akira looks after him, but, he's always going to be my baby brother. Even though his surgery went well, I'm still afraid to lose him."

"I could never fathom that." Shizuru murmured, realizing for not the first time how delicate Mai seemed. A raw power was dormant in the woman, but, she wondered if that would truly be enough. She suspected that it never would be, but, Mai seemed to embrace that all the same. Not to keep her own secrets from the girl, Shizuru let her eyes drift over the sprawling landscape. "My family is distant, and we don't gather together as we should. Feuds being what they are, I don't suspect they will ever mend."

With that, Shizuru only explained simply, what she knew to be a very deep and complicated divide. "My parents are people who live in the lap of luxury, but, I doubt they understand the meaning of true hardship. They see the world through rose tinted glasses, in such a way that it's rather unkind to those who may form a difference of opinion. Money's jaded them, it defines their world…to me it's merely a tool to get the things I would like, but, I would be just as happy without such things."

"Yeah, family is more important." Mai nodded, she could tell that it pained Shizuru greatly, more than she would ever admit. The fact the fawn haired woman had said it at all screamed of the world of agony it brought. "I don't do well with remembering the past…it makes me feel trapped when I do." Mai said then, her eyes looking out to the sun that just kissed the water's edge with gentle warmth. "I don't like to think about it, so, I try to look ahead, no matter what."

"I'll change that." Shizuru promised, now watching the same sight. "One day, you'll look back, and you'll see happy memories to counteract the bad."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

She could have sent the invitations out by mail, and for some people, she intended to do strictly that. Having put enough effort into the paper, the words were etched carefully in a gentle script, the black ink almost a personal statement in and of itself. Shizuru prided herself on such things, as it made her feel as her presentation, and ladylike training hadn't escaped her. Still, as respectable as the post office might have been, there was one household she felt obligated to visit.

If not for her two, loving partners, than strictly for herself.

This invitation was an important one, and it had been put off long enough. Her time spent with Mai's younger brother had been few and far between...and so, she had come to the dojo in search of Takumi, but, it was a very pregnant Akira who greeted Shizuru with a piercing gaze that was almost like Natsuki's own. Edgy and dangerous, yet confused and interested...a hint of kindness just at the edges of her stern glare...as if, that alone was merely a front on and of itself.

Akira was a very guarded girl, who, at one point was mistaken as a male by most who knew her. Now, with her round belly getting in the way of everything, it was no question that she was indeed a woman. She welcomed Shizuru with a critical eye, but called to Takumi who was in the other room anyway. After the greetings, they sat in one of the empty rooms, as a long protected tea recipe from Akira's family gifted comfortable silence.

"I'm sure you're interested in the nature of my visit." Shizuru said, noticing that somehow, Takumi had grown up. He was not the boy in middle school that Natsuki seemed to keep a distant eye on. Rather, he was a young man, a father at a young age. His future son would no doubt carry the blood and ancestry of the HiME, and even if the star had been destroyed, there was no telling what future a child of that nature might hold. "It's been far too long of a wait, but, I'm thankful you'll hear me out now."

Takumi merely smiled, a kindness lingering in his eyes. He was a very open man, wise, but the gentleness of his boyhood had never gone away. It made him truly charming, and his laugh was as free as the wind itself. "There's no need for all of the formality. You're a good friend of Mai's, or so she says."

Akira coughed at that, crossing her arms. "That's a nice way of saying, he knows."

"Akira, please be mindful of Mai's feelings on the matter." He begged, a blush tinging his cheeks. "Try to show a little kindness to her, Mai deserves happiness too." He bowed to Shizuru then. "She's protective, because of our future child. She means no true disrespect."

"I wasn't aware that Mai told you anything pertaining to our relationship." Shizuru said, just a bit surprised. "She seemed unwilling to speak to you at all on the topic, and I've inquired many times."

The young man simply laughed. "She's my sister." He spoke innocently, softness overtaking him, as he was a gentle man by pure nature alone. "It's my job as her brother to instinctively know things like that." Takumi said without a trace of deceit in his words. "It's a man's job to look after the women in his life, and she's looked after me enough in my youth." He believed that, Shizuru could tell, because of the conviction that seemed to exude from his very being. "I need to return the favor, and be observant to her needs."

"This makes my invitation easier to gift." Shizuru replied then with a nod in understanding. "I've decided to gather some people together. This dinner party will be a formal announcement to what everyone has suspected for quite some time." Within that, she looked to Akira, trying to understand her feelings on the matter. "Is it that you don't approve?"

"I just don't care." Akira explained more bluntly that she had expected herself to be. Resting her hands on her belly when the baby kicked, she amended the statement. "Mai's happiness is all that matters, I don't need to be bothered with the details…though, and I've been meaning to say this for a long time. If you ever hurt her, I'll kill you."

"Shizuru!" Out of nowhere, Mikoto scampered in, all but knocking the woman over in her exuberance. "Did you come to visit?"

"For the love of god, sit down and be quiet." Akira scolded. "Takumi, I thought you said she went home."

"I thought she did." He said, holding his hands up, as if to surrender.

"Now, now, as I tell Natsuki, shouting at her only makes it worse." Shizuru, having had years to get used to Mikoto, merely guided the girl to a more sedate position by scratching the top of the girl's head. "She's really quite easy to control." Looking down at the girl who had all but fallen asleep on the floor, Shizuru smiled. "How did you know I would be here?"

"I was feeding the animals, Natsuki told me." Mikoto chirped, even though her eyes were closed. "Natsuki doesn't give me attention like you and Mai do."

"That's probably because you drive Natsuki insane." Akira sighed as she shook her head, Mikoto was practically purring. "You're an adult, act like one."

"Leave her be." Shizuru chastised gently. "It's a gift to be so care free." Mikoto really was harmless, which was why she amused the feral girl, and her silly whims. Adopting Mai's tendencies made it all the easier to control the human tornado. That, and despite Natsuki's complaining about the girl, she truly cared about Mikoto in her own way.

"It's a crime." Akira shot back, but gave up on the argument.

"I should be getting home. Mai's probably wondering where I am, considering it's almost lunch time." Shizuru said as she glanced at the clock. "You should come along, Mikoto. I'm sure there will be enough ramen for you as well."

"Wait…" Takumi said abruptly, almost nervous to ask something that had been on his mind. "Do you think it would be alright to tell me just one thing?"

"I don't see the harm." Shizuru nodded. "If it means a great deal to you, I will attempt an answer as best as I can."

He was still so young in his own ways. It was easy to forget that. He took a breath, clutching at his resolve as he lowered his head. "Please, tell me why Mai's been hiding it. Am I really that weak that she can't trust me?"

At that, Shizuru only smiled, finding the topic a silly one. "No, of course not."

"Then why." He asked. "Why does she feel like she has to hide everything?"

Her crimson eyes found humor in him, though, she didn't laugh at his foolishness. Instead, she offered him a kind smile. "Mai tries to shoulder the brunt of many things on her own." Shizuru explained. "It may seem silly, but that's how you know she cares. It's evident in everything she does, and, I believe that Mai attempts to maintain that image for your sake just as much as her own."

…

(Summer 4 years ago)

"It's just a bath." Shizuru said, for what she thought to be the hundredth time. "Nothing more, nothing less."

"I don't know if I like this." Natsuki said as she watched Shizuru transform their bathtub into one of the most romantic settings that could be made on such short time. "At first I thought this was just a whim of yours…but now I'm starting to think you're really coming onto Mai."

"If I am?" Shizuru asked then, quirking an eyebrow. "Would you wish to watch me make a mess of her?"

"Don't be stupid!" Natsuki growled before looking away shamefully. "but...if you are." She could almost taste her own discomfort as it bubbled inside of her gut. "Don't you think that maybe you're going too far?"

"I know I've gone too far. I simply choose to understand that, and move forward." Shizuru continued to prepare the petals of flowers with practiced ease. "At first, I didn't know for sure, but, after a little time spent with Mai, I know that I can bring myself to love her, just as deeply as I love you."

"How do you know that?" Natsuki asked, her voice wavering uneasily.

"It's in her eyes." The softest of murmurs came as Shizuru released a handful of petals into the water. "The way she sees the world, the things she's experienced." Shizuru didn't have any desire to try to explain away the depth of what she discovered within Mai, and instead, she found herself lost within a sea of emerald. Unsteady, there was a sheltered fear that Natsuki protected fiercely, but Shizuru could see it clearly. "I think it's safe for you to let your guard down and accept her. I know that it's also something that I want to do."

"How could you want that?" Natsuki shook her head, her gaze drifting to the white bathmat beneath her feet. "Why would you want to expose yourself that fully to another person, knowing that it might not work?" The mocha colored swirls drew her in, and she focused on them, wondering if they might swallow her down into an abyss. "Doing it once was hard enough."

"We've been given a second chance at life." Shizuru answered softly. "A second chance that we should take, to live to the fullest." She began to unbutton Natsuki's shirt, finding the cloth to be far too annoying a barrier to stand between them for long. "I know it scares you to think about the possibility that anyone might feel something for you, and that's a battle we don't need to revisit." She pushed the white shirt down broad shoulders. "Tell me that you truly can't accept Mai's feelings, and I'll happily let the matter drop, right here, right now."

Natsuki couldn't say it.

Instead, she pulled her lower lip between her teeth, as if that might keep her from exposing any weakness in the matter. It was a failed attempted when crimson eyes noticed every little thing. "I don't know if I can or not." Natsuki swallowed hard, feeling completely at the mercy of Shizuru, who continued to study her with great care. "I've never tried to think of Mai like that. Even if I could, what would that mean for the two of us?"

"I don't think it really matters how we try to define it." Shizuru breathed, amazed by the woman in front of her. "We've come too far, Natsuki. You can't put a price on everything we've been through, because it was out of this world." She gently ran her fingertips through dark midnight tresses. "We will never be normal, and no matter how many times you try to deny it, you can't escape those little truths."

"I can damn well try." Natsuki said, the denial so clear, she made herself angry.

"Don't delude yourself. Your nightmares and my needs aren't going anywhere." Her lips ghosted over Natsuki's, her hands gripping the woman's hips, anticipating the mess she could make of Natsuki right there, against the wall. The very thought sent shivers down her spine. "They're part of us, every little sin is undeniably part of who we are."

A knock came at the door, and both of the women in the bathroom took a breath. "This is a bad idea." Natsuki hissed.

"It's just a bath, it doesn't have to be anything more." Shizuru murmured. "Unless you can be resolute, you don't have the luxury to refuse." She opened the door, nodding in approval, welcoming a nervous Mai into the bathroom. Looking between Natsuki and Mai, she knew she would have to be the one to encourage it, but even so, her belly fluttered uncomfortably.

"Are you sure about this?" Mai asked, seeking the apprehension in Natsuki's eyes.

"No, I'm not." Natsuki said unhappily, noticing violet eyes reflected that same slight fear.

"It's okay to be unsure." Shizuru said to Mai before turning to Natsuki. "And you can be afraid." Then she licked her lips, sighing in resignation. "We can even be a little jealous, or angry sometimes." She bit down on her lower lip, in complete and utter disbelief. Yet, she wasn't going to back down in the face of her own turmoil. "One thing we're never going to do, is go back to the way we used to be. None of us." Then she found emerald eyes. "You are not going to revert on us, Natsuki Kuga, do you understand me?" Then, as hard as it was to do, she tore her gaze away from Natsuki and quietly took one of their hands into each of her own. "We'll figure this out, we have to."

Natsuki still looked nervous, giving Shizuru a meaningful look. "This is just a bath, right?"

"That's all it needs to be." Shizuru agreed, as she kissed the backs of their hands, and broke away to slip off her bathrobe.

"Can you be okay with that?" Mai asked then, still unsure.

"It's going to be hard at first." Shizuru said slowly, and truthfully. "But I will be."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

It wasn't any surprise to anyone that Natsuki and Mai were often shouting across the house, on any given day, and for any given reason. They fought worse than a married couple when they were provoked by each other. Their fighting, nearly explosive at that, was a sight to behold as Mai wasn't one to back down easily. Neither was Natsuki. Sometimes it was comical, but mostly, it was simply better to avoid the two lovers when they were caught up in a conflict.

"Natsuki, get out of the mayo jar." Mai scolded when she noticed that her lover was taking a long time to come back to the living room. "If you were hungry, you could have just told me."

"Yeah." Natsuki sighed. "But, sometimes I just want a damn spoonful. Can't I do that without getting nagged?"

"It's bad for you." The redhead shot back, prying the glass jar out of Natsuki's hands. "Do you realize how much fat is in that junk? It'll go directly into your arteries and clog them."

"This 'junk' tastes good." Natsuki retorted dipping her spoon in one last time. "I don't get what the big deal is."

"The big deal is that one day, if you keep eating the way you do, you're going to have to have your chest cracked open and your arteries bypassed." Mai shook her head, when Natsuki continued to look clueless. "Five days and Twelve weeks." Mai said. "Do you know the significance of those numbers?"

"No." Natsuki said dumbly, getting the feeling she didn't want to.

"The five days signifies how long Takumi was in the hospital for after his corrective surgery, and the twelve weeks were how long Takumi's rehabilitation took afterward." Putting her hands on her hips, she gave Natsuki an unhappy roll of her eyes. The woman continued to eat the condiment as if it were ice cream. That left Mai unsettled. "You aren't as easy going as he is, and you'd give the doctors hell."

"Damn right." Natsuki said, depositing her empty spoon in the sink. "Glad we have an understanding."

"Natsuki, I mean it." Mai told her.

"Jesus, it was one spoonful!" Natsuki shouted. "One!"

"It adds up!" Mai shot back just as heatedly. "You aren't a kid anymore, you need to cut down and think about your health." She said through gritted teeth as an unsteady sadness leaked into her voice. "It's not so easy, fixing things that could have been prevented in the first place…" Before she knew it, she could feel wetness on her cheeks, but continued on anyway. "God, you're so stupid sometimes…and so reckless…one day, you're going to get yourself killed. Don't you understand that?"

Natsuki stayed quiet, her brows furrowing as the severity of Mai's words cut deep. Without hesitation, she pulled Mai in for a tight embrace, kissing her atop her forehead before murmuring in her ear. "It's fine." Mai tried to pull back to retort, but Natsuki held fast, enduring the weakened punches that fell upon her shoulder. "I promise." Again, Mai tried to pull away. "Stop fighting me…" The speed demon, mayo addict begged. "Stop…"

"You're such an idiot…" Mai sobbed as she clutched the back of Natsuki's shirt, as if her very breath depended on it.

"I know, babe." Natsuki murmured. "I know."

…

(Summer 4 years ago.)

Shizuru was nearby tending to her garden, but, she seemed to be in her own little world. Occasionally, she would say something from her spot in the nearest flowerbed, but, even that seemed rare. Her quiet humming was the only true indication she was among them at all. As Mai told the latest gossip, she knew that on some level Shizuru was indeed listening…it was a wonderful day to be outside, but, it was not a wonderful day to be an older sister to an innocent younger brother.

"She refuses to move out of the boy's dorm." Mai explained one hot day as she and Natsuki rested in the long grass. "Now that I know Akira's a girl, I don't know if I like them sharing a dorm so young."

"Eh, what's the big deal?" Natsuki asked, still not getting it.

"A lot, actually." Mai relented with a sigh. "It's just risky…in a lot of different ways."

"Isn't she kind of a tomboy?" Natsuki asked, perplexed about Akira's attraction to Takumi. "I don't really think you have anything to worry about."

"Maybe not." Mai agreed. "But even so, he's too young to stay with some strange girl."

Natsuki, who found herself uncaring of the entire ordeal, just continued to watch the clouds aimlessly. As one of the puppies she rescued chewed on some bits of grass, she idly ran her fingers through it's soft, fluffy fur. "Akira's strange now is she? That's odd, since Takumi was her most important person." She muttered, but let that statement pass because Mai appeared truly worried about her younger sibling. "Everyone already thinks they were sleeping together, even before they found out she was a girl…and, by the way, not everyone knows that yet."

"I didn't like thinking about that either." Mai said with a shudder. "He's my little brother."

"So what's that supposed to mean?" Natsuki said lifting her head from the grass and rolling to her side. "He's a teenager, and we know not all the boys at the academy are innocent. You really shouldn't expect him to be." She rested her head in her hand, as her elbow dug into a soft patch of dirt. "Don't worry so much…if something was wrong, I'd know about it. I've got eyes all over that school, even now."

Mai covered her face in her hands. "That doesn't mean that I want to think about it." She shot back with a small bothered blush. "Come on, would you want Takumi to assume we're having sex?"

"No!" Her cheeks began to color at the thought too. "God, no…" Natsuki shook her head, trying to push away such a prospect. "There are some things that some people just shouldn't think about."

"Thank you for proving my point." Mai said, a dull expression making her appear sterner than she was. "He's too young to share a room with girl that isn't family."

Natsuki, beside herself and unsure what to say simply grabbed a mayo packet out of the picnic basket. "Give the guy a break." Natsuki said, ripping off a corner and squeezing the substance into her mouth. "He'll be fine, Mai…he's a good kid." Then Natsuki grinned. "Unless you think that Akira might force herself on him."

"She wouldn't!" Mai protested, grabbing the picnic basket before Natsuki could steal anymore mayo. "Would she?" She shook her head. "No…no, not Akira." She had more faith in the ninja than that. "I just don't want them getting any ideas while they're still in school."

"What ideas? If he doesn't already have them, he probably won't." Natsuki couldn't even wrap her head around that. "Mai, I think you're worried over nothing."

"I think that everyone too nonchalant about it." Mai retorted. "This sets a precedent, and I don't know if that's really a good thing or not."

"Ordinarily, I might not take too kindly to the idea myself." A third voice chimed in. "It's ludicrous to assume that a female would reside in the male dormitory." Shizuru explained as she moved to sit by the couple that rested in the grass. "However, considering that it's Akira, I would willingly make the oversight."

"Huh?" Natsuki said, now interested. "But why? You're one of the most straight laced people I know when it comes to that kind of stuff."

"If it were anyone else, I wouldn't allow it." Shizuru nodded. "However, she's spent most of her life parading around as a boy, I think she takes comfort in the familiarity. Besides, she's probably just as worried about Takumi as you are. In the boys' dorm, she can keep an eye on him."

"That's what Fumi said!" Mai complained, rubbing her forehead. "She's actually going to allow it too."

"Then it's out of your hands." Natsuki said with a shake of her head, yawning as the warmth of the sun made her sleepy. "Don't worry so much, you'll grow old before your time…it's not good for you."

"I'll stop worrying so much when you stop trying to kill yourself with mayo." Mai retorted. "Now that's unhealthy."

"I'll stop eating Mayo when Shizuru gives up her tea." Natsuki rebuked, only to hear Shizuru sigh.

"That I'm not doing." Shizuru replied pointedly. "Some things I simply refuse to part with."

"Well then, I guess I'm simply going to worry." Mai answered in kind, crossing her arms. "He's my little brother, it's my right."

"Not if I can help it." Natsuki sat up long enough to tackle Mai into the long, soft grass. "It's fine." Natsuki murmured when she realized Mai was well and truly concerned. "It's...not…like…" Natsuki trailed off. Suddenly she felt a little odd, towering over Mai like that, hovering above her as their fingers intertwined. Mai's palms were soft. A sense of longing seemed to sparkle in violet eyes, and Natsuki swallowed hard when she realized just what she'd done. Worried, she licked her lips as baited breath tried to escape her lungs. "Never mind." She withdrew as quickly as she could.

"Natsuki?" Mai spoke her name like liquid heat, soft and silky, and filled with its own sense of true uncertainty.

"N-nothing." Ashamed of herself, for seeing something akin to hope fizzle out before the embers had even been lit, and Natsuki growled more at herself than anyone else. "It's fine…" She said as she sat in the grass.

"It is." Shizuru said, her crimson eyes leaving no trace of deception in her words. "I won't be angry. You can kiss her, you know."

"I wasn't going to do that!" Natsuki bit out, though, truth be told, she highly considered it. She rubbed her face, exasperated, and not just a little confused. "It was just…she was right there okay?" After scratching the back of her neck, a bad habit she had whenever she was bothered about something, especially pertaining to Mai, she shook her mind free of the mental conflict. "You guys don't have to assume dumb things like that."

"It isn't dumb. If that's the way you feel, then I'm happy." Mai reached out to take Natsuki's hand in her own. Feeling a little unsure of herself, she looked away, her eyes falling to the grass around them. "I want you...need you...to want me." It felt heavy in the air, and Mai felt as if the emerald eyed beauty would never quite understand the depth of such a desire. "To need me…like that."

"Mai don't make this harder than it already is." Natsuki rebuked, but didn't have the strength to pull her hand away or to shun away the warmth of Mai's hand atop her thigh. "I feel like I'm betraying something…" She looked up to Shizuru. "Or someone."

"Natsuki." Shizuru said then from her place in the grass. "You're not betraying anyone." Shizuru told her, taking Natsuki's face into her hands. "You can let your guard down."

"I don't think I can." Natsuki said quietly. "I don't think I really know how."

That caused Shizuru to laugh. "You think I do?" She shook her head.

"You guys are idiots." Natsuki said swallowing hard.

"We may be." Shizuru agreed. "But you care a great deal for us, or you would have run away long ago."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

There was one fact that went undisputed by the three lovers, and it was that Mai was the most passionate out of all three of them.

Unfortunately, she was also the shyest about asking for what she really wanted. It was no surprise that she had desperate desires of her own, and that those desires were often so mundane, that they went overlooked. The idea of a new cooking pot, or apron every few months, or the occasional splurge for a particular perfume she enjoyed was about all she ever really asked for.

Selfishness took a back seat to logic, and even now, Mai's hobbies were the least consuming in the household. Natsuki had her collections of videogames, bikes and guns, along with several models she enjoyed putting together in her spare time. Shizuru had her tea room, her painting, music room, and pottery tools in the barn….but Mai didn't have much of anything.

Her joys came less in the objects that surrounded her, and more about how she spent her time…and who she spent it with. Mai's selflessness was what Shizuru had been trying to prevent when their date night rolled around. She wanted the carrot top to be greedy, as it didn't happen nearly often enough.

Mai had started the date coming on strong, with a home cooked meal that was nearly sinful, as Natsuki made herself scarce to give her lovers some privacy. Mai, true to her form, enjoyed predictable little things and as such, a steamy romance movie followed afterward. As a typical date night drew to a close, it came as a shock to Shizuru, that after, they found themselves tangled in the sheets in Mai's old bedroom.

It was quiet there, secluded away from the downstairs, where Natsuki tried to lurk quietly in her own hobby room for their benefit. Mai's fingers trembled as she clutched the bed sheets, coming down from one of the strongest highs she'd had in a long time. It should have ended there, if the night had been kind to them.

However, there was a particular air about Shizuru…an air that has always managed to draw Mai in…an air that encouraged the carrot top to speak her mind, as if the confessions were carried upon the wind and cast aside into sweet oblivion.

Mai was playful in the way she brought her hand up to caress Shizuru's smooth, bare back…relishing in the feel of silky soft tresses of fawn that tickled her sides and midriff as it cascaded around them. "It's nice, having you to myself." Mai said softly.

"It's nice seeing the tables turned." Shizuru rested her head just above Mai's heart, listening to the fluttering that drummed away a soothing beat. "That was bold, Mai." Shizuru said, all too happy to give a playful little tug on the strap that Mai had around her hips. "I enjoy that side of you, it flourishes so rarely."

There wasn't much Mai could say to that, as she gave a nervous giggle as she unhooked the buckle that kept the toy in place. "I thought you might enjoy that…I just wasn't sure if I would too." She admitted. "Now, I think I know why Natsuki enjoys bringing her bag of tricks into the bedroom so much."

That made Shizuru grin, and she pushed her long hair away from her face, kissing the valley between Mai's breasts as she considered that. "Natsuki's a little rough when she gets into that type of mood." She said through hooded eyes, her body tired from a long, but very relaxing and passionate night. "I don't mind, since I enjoy that kind of exuberance, rare as it is to come by." There was something about Mai though, and it was a warm feeling that was soft and kind...so unlike Natsuki's pent up frustrations. "You're a bit gentler than she is…and more self-aware, I think."

"Yeah, but, that's Natsuki." Mai said with a smile. "I like that raw look in her eyes, wild and intense…you get a very similar look."

"Do I?" Shizuru laughed softly at that, her voice like that of silk. "Well, I suppose that makes sense."

"What kind of eyes do I have in the throes of passion?" Mai asked then, the playfulness replaced with a deep affection.

"Devotion…" Shizuru replied. "There's weakness there, and trust…" Mai was so many things, she doubted she could properly explain. "Mai, this weekend, we're going to be hosting a formal dinner party." Shizuru said, idly toying with the redhead's fingertips, marveling at how delicate they were. "I've invited Akira and Takumi, along with a few others. I'll be doing the cooking that night."

"What?" Mai asked, a bit confused. "But why? You know I love to cook."

"It's abstract, Mai. I have my reasons." To be honest, Shizuru wasn't exactly sure how she felt about that, because she didn't intend to put up any of her usual airs in front of the guests, and that thought alone unnerved her. "I know we haven't been forthcoming with information over the years, and that's okay to some extent, but, Natsuki and I don't have any need to involve ourselves into the outside world. This is simply a formality that should have come long ago, but, I doubt there would have been a good time."

"You shouldn't worry about things like that. I haven't wanted to tell people either...even if they did sort of guess." Mai said, although faint thoughts had drifted into her mind every now and then. "I'm alright, you know. We never have to say anything."

"Natsuki told me." Shizuru murmured. "I'm sorry I couldn't make it to the picnic, but, Natsuki warned me about the little things that you all spoke about."

"You mean about the baby." Mai answered, feeling a thick implication surround her. "I suppose Chie and I did throw around the idea, but, that's just what friends do. Chie's a tease like that, in her own way… a bit impulsive, Aoi too." It made her happy to think about it, Mai couldn't deny that. "But, I know it's just a fantasy."

"Why do you feel that way, Mai?" Smoldering crimson eyes gazed into violet, searching for that immense well of desire that so often eluded the rest of the world.

"Because, Natsuki's so wild and free all the time." Mai answered. "I wouldn't want to tie her down any more than we already do."

"She has her own little dreams about being a mother, I think." Shizuru said, as her finger traced a circle around Mai's belly button. "Those are things I don't think she'd ever give a voice to, as children tend to intimidate her." Shizuru merely shrugged. "I'm different, in that I'd always assumed I'd get married, settle down, and become a proper mother. Those visions changed when I fell in love with Natsuki, but, even if I knew that I wouldn't ever bed down with a man, I never cast aside the desire for a family or a future." The kisses she feathered along Mai's body were quick but meaningful. "It just, hasn't come up."

"It has now." Mai murmured, wondering just what was going on in the back of Shizuru's mind.

"Yes, it has." Shizuru nodded, leaning on her elbows as she looked at the busty woman who rested beneath her. "However, I'm unsure of that outcome."

"I think, we all are." Mai agreed quietly. "It wouldn't be the first time we got ourselves mixed up in paranoia."

"Paranoia?" Shizuru asked with an upturned eyebrow.

"Well, you know...Natsuki was really good at that too, at one point." Mai shrugged, recalling that one distant time.

…

"My father had a saying when I was younger, I used to hear him say it to mom all the time." Mai said as she sat in the garage one afternoon, leaning on a few boxes of parts. Natsuki was trying and failing to repair the tractor. "Everyone needs to go to hell in their own way."

"Huh, he said crap like that?" Natsuki asked as she crouched over the machine that was giving her a headache. "Whatever works, I guess."

"I'd like to think there's some truth to that…finding one's own path in life, and taking confidence in it." Mai went on to say, causing Natsuki to shake her head, rolling her eyes.

"However you want to think about it." Natsuki muttered. "Who the hell thought buying this piece of crap was a good idea?"

"It'll cut the time it takes to cut the yard in half easily." Mai retorted. They'd bought the machine after Natsuki had scared away another gardener. "If you weren't so rude to strangers, we wouldn't have this problem."

"I can look after my own house, Mai." Natsuki growled. "It's my job to do this kind of thing."

Mai decided to let the matter drop, thinking back to her father. "My dad's right though, at least, that's what I like to think." Mai said, a clear definition in her words. "I almost have to think like that. It's the only thing that really gets me by, even now…if I didn't, where would I be? What would I do?"

"What would you have done?" Natsuki added, getting the general idea. "I still don't know what that has to do with us being smashed together by Shizuru. Why did she lock us in here anyway? Damn it!"

"It can't be easy for her." Mai said then. "This is, in its own way, a one way ticket to hell for her…she's got to consider sharing you….she has to be mindful of me." Mai just shrugged, feeling as thought there was no way to make up for any of it. "She wants you to admit your true feelings, and she thinks this is the only way you will."

"Does she think I'll give up that easily?" Natsuki shot back, leaning heavily on the tractor's radiator. "Don't either of you get it?" Natsuki asked as she flicked some long midnight hair over her shoulder. "I'm not the kind of person that can take comfort in something like this…even if I do care about you."

"What about if you loved me?" Mai asked then, her blush causing her to look away.

"That's why I can't." Natsuki retorted with a heated voice, low and bitter. "Because what does that say about me?" Natsuki asked. "I have my pride too, you know." She closed her eyes and sighed, crossing her arms. "I can't take comfort in the fact I might actually love someone else…that I might feel like letting someone else be where Shizuru is."

"Why don't you find out?" Mai asked then. "Are you just afraid of what you'll realize about yourself?"

Natsuki growled, and emerald eyes lifted to meet Mai's own violet. "Yes." Natsuki said without missing a beat. She pushed herself off the tractor and made her way across the shed to where Mai was, having come to a conclusion. She gently pushed Mai's knees apart so that she could step between them, indicating that she wanted Mai to use her as a support as she wrapped her arms around Mai, feeling the carrot top's legs wrap around her hips. In this way, they were unbelievably close, and she could feel all of Mai through their clothes. "Yes I'm afraid, but you don't get why."

Natsuki was strong, amazingly so, as she effortlessly lifted Mai off the crates she'd still been sitting on. "Don't you see?" Natsuki asked her. "Look at this, what normal girl can do this?" Natsuki asked Mai pleadingly. "What normal woman could just…take you, right here, right now…like this?" Natsuki asked as she held Mai close, her lips ghosting Mai's ear. "In spite of what you might think, I haven't let go of all of my baggage from the carnival, and this raw power is proof of that."

"Natsuki…" Her fingers tighten their grip on the slippery leather that Natsuki had on. Mai could feel Natsuki's belly flex tightly, supporting her so naturally, it was almost haunting. "Why do you push yourself so hard?" Mai asked then, burring her face into the nape of Natsuki's neck. It was pure heaven to be held this way, but, also purely terrifying an admission.

"I've trained hard for this kind of core strength." Natsuki admitted. "It was necessary to have at one point in my life…I had to have raw power sometimes, but because of that Mai…" Natsuki almost wanted to cry, feeling terribly exposed in a way only Shizuru had ever known about before. "If I'm not strong in every way…what kind of person will I let myself become? I don't want to be some weak person who can't look after the people she cares about, and I don't want to live my life indecisively or be unable to do the things I have to do."

"Natsuki, you are strong." Mai told her without even needing to consider otherwise. "You're one of the most steadfast, strongest people I've ever met."

"Shizuru was around when I did this to myself." Natsuki told Mai in a hushed whisper. "When I was in middle school going on a crazy diet like I was some insane body builder, just to be as strong as I could be without being noticed. She saw me build this…whatever the hell this is…" Natsuki sighed. "You don't realize how much I want that softness you and Shizuru have…and how I feel like I can't have that, because it may put people I care about in danger one day." She knew, just by the way Mai held on to her, chances were there was no way the woman would ever give up or let go now. "I don't have Duran to help me anymore, so it's got to be me."

"You have us." Mai said, pulling out of their embrace just enough to look Natsuki in the eyes. "We'd never leave you, or let you be in danger by yourself…you're such an idiot if you think we would."

"But if I'm not strong enough then I won't be able…" Natsuki choked back her words, shaking her head. "I'm never going to be that weak again."

"You're never going to be that alone again." Mai retorted, tilting her head to the side just the slightest bit. "Natsuki, I want this…I want to be with you, no matter how damaged you think you are…" Her words were whispered heatedly, her eyes transfixed on surprised and wavering emerald. "I love you."

It was complete insanity, but there was a warmth in violet eyes mingling with a dire need that Mai probably wouldn't speak deeply of. Without wanting to think, and wishing to chase away the cold feeling in the pit of her gut, Natsuki leaned forward, capturing Mai's lips with her own in such a way that there was no time for the hesitant gentleness Natsuki was usually known for.

The flood gates opened, and Natsuki could tastes Mai's salty tears as one heated kiss gave way to another, and another, until Mai toppled them both over into the mound of straw in a corner. The hooting of the barn owl warned them of the night that cloaked them, before then even knew themselves, and that's when Shizuru finally unlocked the door.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

There were often times that Natsuki simply found it easier to simply nod her head and blindly agree to whatever idea one of her lovers came up with. At any given time, it was the lesser of two evils. Usually she had no qualms doing that, as their often busy lives demanded that someone simply concede without giving things a second thought. Natsuki had enough to keep her mind on at the shelter, so at home, she was all too happy to let things just happen as they would.

However, even she had her limits.

"I don't know about the dress thing." A low grumble came from the less than enthusiastic woman as she eyed herself in the mirror. "Do I really have to go through with this?" Natsuki asked, running her fingers along the sides of her dress. She had to admit, she was feeling a bit out of place in the soft fabric that hugged her body gently and left little to the imagination. It was tasteful, but a bit short, not to mention that fact that it showed a bit more of her shoulders than she liked.

"Natsuki, you look beautiful." Shizuru said, a purely truthful statement, though the hint of longing in her voice forced the point home.

"Shizuru…I mean it." Natsuki protested. "Look at me, I don't do this in front of other people. It's just not my style." Nervously, she licked her lips and sighed. "I hope to god you're not going to shove me in makeup too."

Shizuru just smiled and shook her head. "You can stop being so self-conscious." She told her lover as she continued to rummage through her own selections of dresses. "Did it ever occur to you that others might enjoy your softer side?"

"Are you kidding?" Natsuki shook her head. "Most of my friends are beer drinking idiots who wear jeans." Truthfully, Natsuki was thankful for that little detail, and never had to worry about her appearances too much because of it. "In fact, Nao would probably laugh her ass off if she saw this." Now though, as she looked at herself in the mirror, everything was starting to become a mental debate. "That's like, do you think I should put my hair up, or leave it down?"

"I think you should stop worrying so much." Shizuru replied simply before looking through her own dresses. Natsuki needed a distraction anyway. "Help me pick out an outfit, I have too many to choose from."

"My suit." Natsuki groused.

"You're shorter than I am." Shizuru brushed the biting comment aside. "It wouldn't fit."

Just then an amusing, if not slightly evil thought, popped into Natsuki's head. "Okay, well how about a pair of hip huggers and one of my shirts then?"

Shizuru narrowed her eyes at that, even though a playful grin was hard to suppress at the sight of Natsuki's own. "Now that had better be a joke."

"I wasn't kidding." Natsuki shrugged, her smirk still in it's place. She couldn't mask the impish tone in her voice. "You have the ass for it."

"Natsuki!" Shizuru all but shrieked when a firm pinch to her backside punctuated Natsuki's statement. Turning to the woman who now held her in her arms. "I wouldn't wear jeans to a gathering such as this. Now help me." Shizuru wriggled out of the playful hold, with humor dancing in her eyes. "Do I go with blue ball gown, the green shimmery wrap dress, or do I go with the black column dress?" After holding each one up, and seeing that Natsuki was either puzzled or unimpressed she sighed. "I suppose I could go with the pink kimono I have, that's quite nice too, I believe."

"If I have to wear something like this, you should have to wear something no one's ever seen you in before." Natsuki said, crossing her arms. Anyone would be hard pressed to see Shizuru in a pair of jeans, as she didn't often wear them unless she was working on one of her often messy hobbies. "A pair of jeans, a white t-shirt, and walking around the house barefoot." Natsuki was liking the idea more and more every second. "We could have your hair drawn into a lazy soft ponytail…yeah, I think that'll do the trick."

"I have one off morning and you never let me live it down." An old but fond memory came to Shizuru then, and she shook her head. "I was suffering from the worst hangover ever." She laughed. "I hadn't ever had Moonshine before, and it was so good." She shrugged then. "You can't hold it angst me."

"Still looked sexy to me." Natsuki said offhandedly. "Besides, a few too many isn't a bad thing occasionally, and you really needed it."

"I never intend to get that drunk again." Even while saying that, it was hard to keep herself from laughing as Natsuki's eyes bore into her own. As she began to settle, she found herself wondering about the denim that she had folded in the back of her closet. She kept it hidden in an old shoebox at that, if only to lock it away from the world. "I still have that old gaudy pair of yours that you cut and frayed around the knees."

"I'd do that to another pair too, if you'd let me bum around in them for any length of time." Long flowing tresses of midnight cascaded around her in such a way, it was hard not to take notice of the way she moved. "I'd go back to doing free running too, if you and Mai weren't so freaked out about the fact that I might get hurt."

"You did get hurt." Shizuru shot back with a shake of her head. "In fact, you broke your arm in not one, but three places."

"Yeah, well crap like that happens." The shorter woman muttered. "At least I stopped when you asked me to." Natsuki had always carried herself strongly, and such a thing often gave rise to fear and insecurity within others. Shizuru had always found that interesting, because Natsuki herself was often a timid person when it mattered the most. Especially when her womanly nature was on display for all to see. "This dress is making me uncomfortable. I'm going to switch to gym clothes and bench a little."

"Natsuki really, I think you can stop with all of the weight lifting." Shizuru told her, the gentle admonishment something the dug deeper than either of them would ever acknowledge. The real phrase that hung between them lingered unspoken, caught only in the smallest glimpse when crimson eyes met emerald. _'You can stop worrying.'_ it went unsaid, but not ignored.

"Hey it'll be fine, I'll get back before you know it." The casual shrug and soft, yet not entirely confidant grin, brought back so many memories of little things left behind long ago and forgotten.

"Famous last words." Shizuru shivered. "What have I told you about saying that?"

"It's true though…" Natsuki tossed back as she went in search of her favorite pair of shorts. "Besides, just because you don't like camping, doesn't mean that you didn't have a good time."

The memories were fond ones, Shizuru had to admit that, and with a nod, she picked the green dress, all the while thinking that such a color reminded her of Natsuki's eyes.

…

"You know, there's a wonderful resort not too far from here." Shizuru said, glancing at her brochures one last time.

"It's called camping for a reason." Natsuki said grabbing Shizuru's backpack from off of the kitchen table. It had been loaded with supplies for a few days with nothing but the wilds to comfort them. Shizuru's backpack was much smaller than Natsuki's own, and was much lighter in comparison. "If you go to an actual campground, then you aren't really camping. Besides, your family owns all sorts of land all around here, don't you want to go see it?"

"My family owns plots of land, but I can't say that I've toured them. They're considered reserves so I suspect the price of the land is rather steep." Shizuru told Natsuki, though she knew those areas also went uninhabited. "I think it would be best to think of some other vacation."

"Well, Mai and I are going camping weather you're coming or not." Natsuki said, though truth be told, she really wanted Shizuru to be there. "Weren't you the one that said I should be making an effort? Well here I am trying to do that." She gripped the bag tightly in her hand, and nibbled on her lower lip. "You know how restless I get, and I thought, this might be a good way to keep us all busy...and without distractions."

Shizuru nodded the affirmative, but felt as if the very concept of the sport was out of her league by pure inexperience alone. "I've never gone camping before." Shizuru said, as the off putting feeling of meeting particular standards crept up to her gut strongly. "Maybe, this will be a good thing for us." If that was true remained to be seen, but she took hold of the bag that had been prepared either way.

"Well, duh." It was soft, so much so, it hadn't sounded like Natsuki at first. "Do you think I'd want to do this if I thought it would cause more problems?" She took to examining the checklist one final time, and in doing so, absently let a calm stare enter her eyes. "Mai and I, we've done this before."

"I don't recall you ever telling me about that." Shizuru said, a bit bothered by that.

"We were just friends then. It wasn't like I wanted to worry you or anything, it wasn't your burden." Natsuki shrugged, folding the paper along with the maps. She slid them into one of the front pouches of her backpack for later. "Besides, there was nothing to tell. Because Midori was an idiot, sometimes we would run late night patrols to keep a look out for stray orphans. Well, I would do that, and Mai would follow me. She got used to falling asleep under trees real quick."

"Natsuki, think fast." Mai said, coming in from the front door. She had a few bags in her hands, and grinned, tossing a container of freshly made trail mix Natsuki's way. The woman caught it deftly without having to turn around. "I've got all of the fresh food, but do you really think you'll be able to catch enough for the three of us."

"Fish are the easy part." Natsuki said with a nod. "It's finding a secure camping spot that's the hard part." Natsuki had her loaded gun on her as well, and her fingers brushed against the butt of the gun. "If I have to, I can always try for the game too, there's all sorts of animals everywhere."

"Only if you're preparing the meat." Mai said with a wrinkle of her nose.

"How long are we going to be out in the wilds exactly?" Shizuru asked, now nervous.

"About a week give or take a day or so." Natsuki said with a shrug. "Depends on how well supplies last."

"This, I gather, is a bad idea." Shizuru said mostly to herself, but Mai simply smiled.

"I think you'll enjoy it." Mai said as she gave her own bag one final check. "It's nice to go out and just get away from the difficulties of normalcy sometimes. A little change here and there is a good thing."

"I suppose." Shizuru relented, though, she was still unsure about the entire idea.

As they exited the house, Shizuru was surprised to find Natsuki's truck had different wheels than usual. There was also a few cans of gas and extra tires in the back, and Shizuru felt a mild surprise as she realized they were going to go driving through the wilderness with the vehicle. "I do hope you know what you're doing." Shizuru said as they climbed in.

"Don't worry, I do." Natsuki nodded, pulling out of the driveway. "In fact, I taught myself how to ride a motorcycle off of the road. This is a piece of cake compared to that."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

With the weekend of the dinner party fast approaching, Natsuki was doing her best not to lose herself to her inward worries. Having no idea exactly what Shizuru was planning for the occasion, she found herself restless. For some reason, it made her already analytical mind tip itself into the downward spiral of completely pointless paranoia. It would have been better to be left completely in the dark, but, Natsuki had to admit, she hated being surprised even more.

Although it wasn't a place she ventured often, out of little more than pure boredom she found herself loitering in Mai's project room. It was modest when compared to Natsuki's own. The reason for that was simple, Mai required very little to make her happy, and rarely frequented the often tranquil space. There was a sewing machine in the corner, but Mai used it so rarely, it began to gather dust.

Among the two corner tables, Mai sat engrossed in her work. Squares of fabric were cut neatly, but strewn about the table haphazardly. Idly, Natsuki picked up one of the light blue squares, the largest one in the pile by far. It had a teddy bear embroidered into it with soft light brown thread. "Ummm…" Natsuki asked with an upturned eyebrow, noticing it was numbered on the back. Holding a very strange bit of cloth by the corner, she squinted. "What the hell is all of this for?"

"Don't worry about it." Mai said, plucking the cloth from her.

Natsuki just looked around the room, finding all sorts of odd gadgets, one of them really confusing her as she picked up what looked to be suctions cups, realizing belatedly it was a breast pump. "I am going to worry about it, why is this here!?" Natsuki asked, looking around at Mai's hobby room. It looked like baby stuff, smelled like baby stuff, and Natsuki suddenly had the distinct feeling that Mai had been hording things for a while now.

"Why do you think?" Mai said with a roll of her eyes as she set back to her project, making a quilt. "Akira's due soon, and someone had to be sure she was ready for it. Takumi's not in any position to worry himself over everything. Besides, babies are expensive."

"No shit…" Natsuki cringed softly, seeing the price tag on a few of the larger items. "Did you buy all of this?"

"Shizuru and I go shopping sometimes when you work late with the animals." Mai said, mindful of her stitching. "You know, it's going to be the first baby in the family. That little man is going to be your nephew too. Even if she's more reserved about it than I am, Shizuru's excited in her own way."

"My nephew..." Natsuki repeated the words as if they were a unknown concept, a bit perturbed as she averted her gaze.

"Yes…" Mai said with a small smirk. "We're a family, so he'll be your nephew too. You might as well get used to the idea."

Honestly not having thought of it that way, Natsuki just licked her dry lips. "Yeah…I guess." Then she scratched the back of her head. "Uh, Mai…I'm not really that good with babies you know…"

"Well, he won't be a baby forever." Mai said, realizing this was more than Natsuki's usual nervousness. Without lifting her eyes from her work, she made sure to keep her voice gentle and level. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Emerald green eyes looked outside, making note of the ugly clouds swirling in the sky. "No, not really." Still, she turned on her heel, leaning on the wall by the window. Picking up one of the small outfits, she ran her thumb across the fabric, feeling the soft cotton between her fingertips. "It's just, the idea of family…" Natsuki shrugged, pushing some of her long hair behind her ear slowly. "It kind of gets to me, that's all." She couldn't remember having many family gatherings as a child, let alone having aunts and uncles to confide in.

"I think Shizuru's a little afraid of the idea too." Mai told her, finishing the square she was working on, and leaving her task for a later time. "I know the two of you didn't have close families, but, Takumi and I think that's important. I already promised him that if anything were ever to happen to them, I would raise the baby."

"That's what bothers me." Natsuki said slowly. "Knowing some kid is going to look up to me, even if I am just an aunt…" She smiled sadly, and put the small shirt off to the side. "I wonder if I can be the type of person able to be a role model…I just don't know if I'll like being under that kind of pressure."

Mai shrugged. "Kids are strangely perceptive, and besides, it's not about being perfect. It's just about being there when no one else is, everything else just sorts itself out."

"Mai…" Shizuru said, laptop in hand as she came into the room. "I think I found the crib Akira wanted, but there's only one in stock. We might want to go now to pick it up."

"Please tell me they have it on hold." Mai said, her lower lip pulling between her teeth as she looked at the computer screen.

"I already phoned them." Shizuru nodded, looking over to the side of the room. "Do you think we have enough diapers? We could pick up a few more packages while we're there."

"What do you call all those?" Natsuki asked, gesturing to the corner that had several boxes stacked high.

"A very good start." Mai replied seriously. "Babies burn though them quick." She gave a glance over to the stockpile that they had, and then over to the modest section of clothes, shaking her head. "Maybe we should check out that mom to mom sale while we're at it."

"Good idea." Shizuru nodded pursing her lips deep in thought as she rested her chin in her palm. "Although I still say we should turn one of the unused bedrooms into a guest room with a nursery. I can't imagine Akira will have an easy time of it at first, in spite of being with her family."

"I already asked Akira and Takumi to move in, but they're being stubborn about it." Mai said with a shake of her head.

"Well, then we can at least look into getting a proper furnishings for them." Shizuru concluded. "They have a rocking chair that matches the crib, so we might as well get that as well."

"Uh…I hate to sound dumb here." Natsuki interrupted, pushing herself off from the wall. "What does Akira think of all of this help the two of you insist to bestow on her...she's a private person, she may not like it."

"She doesn't have a choice." Shizuru shrugged, her fingers tapping away at the keys again. "We're picking up the crib." There was no teasing tone as she spoke pure fact.

"Takumi's being an overbearing, worried husband." Mai added, mirth lacing her voice. "With Akira being as stubborn as she is, we told him that whenever she leaves the house, we'd keep an eye on her." She pulled her phone out of her pocket to send Akira a text. "That's why we're doing all the final shopping with her."

"Paranoia, huh?" Natsuki said nervously, scratching the back of her neck lightly. "Seems we're all good at that..." She let her emerald eyes drift back down to the floor. "I just hope you know what you're getting into, cause I sure don't."

…

At the base of several foot paths Natsuki parked the car and they began their hike. The trail was a calm one, soothed by the flora and fauna that dotted the landscape and colored the sights beautifully. At first, such a thing was enough to ease Shizuru as the three of them walked at a comfortable pace, Natsuki opting for the middle. However, the deeper they got, the rockier and unsteady the terrain became, until finally, they were trekking a gentle uphill slope.

Guided by the sun that lit the afternoon sky, Natsuki lazily smiled at the women that walked by her side.

Mai was a bit more confidant in her steps, her arms swinging gently in her stride. Shizuru clung to the straps of her backpack, more intent on watching the ground than taking in the sights of small animals in the trees, or the spider webs that twinkled brilliantly in the light of the day amongst the green of the leaves. Natsuki was the most relaxed of all, not having to think about the strain on her back, or what it might mean for her later. Instead, she let her eyes flicker around at the tranquility not often witnessed by mankind in these parts.

"What the hell did you put in this side pouch, Mai?" Natsuki asked, having taken it off of the carrot top and attaching it around her own belly.

"Some herbs and spices, and a can or two of condensed milk." She said nonchalantly. "Oh, and a few bouillon cubes you can't forget those."

"No wonder this thing is so heavy." Natsuki muttered with a puff of air to cool her forehead, not that it helped very much. "You and your broths, I swear."

"You'll be thanking me on the cool nights." Mai retorted. "Hot chocolate just isn't the same without condensed milk."

"I can't argue with that." The woman of fawn tresses said, almost delighting in the thought of it. "You do make some of the best hot chocolate that I've ever tasted." The walking was growing tedious on her tired body, and she looked down at the path, her mind wandering to all sorts of things. "So, how far must we go until we find a good campsite?" She asked, when her mind had drifted far enough for one afternoon.

"Well, you want a place near water, where fishing's good. A few trees for cover, some soft, but sturdy soil so that when you pitch a tent, you can tie it down well. No signs of large animals loitering around…that kind of stuff." Natsuki said, reaching for her canteen. "There's a spot a little further up that's not too bad."

"It sounds like you've been to this place a lot." Shizuru chuckled, a little worried though she tried to hide it.

"You mean, you don't know where we are?" Mai asked, just a little surprised. "Fuka academy is just over the other side of the furthest hill in the distance." Mai said pointing off into a different direction.

Understanding dawned on Shizuru, and she nodded. "I didn't think the trail went this far back into the mountains."

"Well, yeah." Mai said, feeling a little nostalgic. "In fact, if we went over to that rock formation over there, and climbed down into the pit, you'd see where Kagutsuchi used to be."

"Well, the scars you left on the one side are still there." Natsuki muttered dryly. "I don't think the trees are ever going to grow back after that one."

"It wasn't like I meant for it to get so out of hand." Mai retorted, hands on her hips as they stopped their trek. "I was just…angry…I guess."

"Well, at least your messes never involved highly populated areas." Natsuki said, a few memories coming to mind that involved busy main roads filled with cars. "Duran and I used to make a huge traffic jam when we were chasing orphans down." She grabbed one of Mai's hands in hers, doing the same to Shizuru with her other free one. "Come on, we want to make it to the place so we can set up the camp."

"Good idea." Mai said, her annoyance forgotten. "Hey, I wonder if the lake will be warm."

"It gets a lot of sun in the morning and midday, so probably." Natsuki said with a shrug. "Warmer than the open ocean for sure, anyway, don't go scaring off all the fish."

It wasn't much longer until they got there. A fine oval lake waited for them at the campsite, a gentle stream feeding both in and out of it. Shizuru was the first to strip herself of her backpack, resting it upon the nearest tree, her tired body following suit as she sighed, taking off her hiking boots and socks. Rubbing her sore ankles she dipped them into the cool water, the soft sand at the bottom feeling like heaven.

"Mai!" Natsuki shouted, gawking as the carrot top went charging into the water, all of her clothing, save for her panties left behind. "What the hell?"

"Lighten up." Mai said, basking in the cool water when she came to the surface for air. "It's hot, and it's not like you haven't seen me naked before."

"That was in the bath." Natsuki said growling, averting her eyes shyly. "We're out in the open."

"Not like anyone's going to see me." Mai shot back, diving back down under the water.

"She has a point, Natsuki." Shizuru said, though she was a bit unsure of just how clean the water was further in. "Peeping toms wouldn't come out this far just to look at girls."

"If one tried, he'd be one sorry bastard." Natsuki said, not at all kidding, she said, her knife in hand as she cut some of the lower handing branches off one of threes to make room for the tent.

"Are you two coming in, or what?" Mai called out.

"A little busy here." Natsuki ranted, rolling her eyes, nor really wanting to swim.

"I, for one, think it's a wonderful idea, so long as the bottom is clean." Shizuru said, undoing the buttons to her shirt, and shorts, sliding them off of her without a second thought, wading into the water a bit more slowly, shivering when the water level rose to just past her hips. "It's a bit chilly." She said in retrospect, tying her hair up into a ponytail to keep it from getting wet. "You should come relax a bit, Natsuki. You had the most to carry out of all of us."

"Well, someone around here has to pitch a tent." Natsuki groused with a shake of her head.

"Natsuki, I don't think that's possible for you." Mai laughed.

"Huh? Oh...screw you." Natsuki said, throwing the curse over her shoulder, wincing when she realized it was too late. She waited for a moment, knowing she'd walked into a trap, but grew perplexed when the onslaught of teasing didn't come. She turned around, one of the metal rods in hand, looking out to the lake, both women were floating around in the water as gentle waves lapped at their skin. "Idiots…"

"Too easy Natsuki." Mai said, indicting that the woman of midnight tresses had indeed been heard. "Just because you walk right into them doesn't mean I'm going to take every chance...but if you like what you see, why not just come in with us already. I'm sure it'll feel just as nice as it looks."

Natsuki cursed loudly in their direction, turning away red faced as she went back to preparing the campsite. Shizuru didn't say anything, but remained treading water, crimson eyes searching those of violet to discern the nature of the carrot top's comments. All she found was a storm swirling in those eyes, heated with both humor, and something more.

Something, Shizuru felt hesitant to think about.

When the sun began to set later that night, Natsuki had camp set up. A roaring fire lighting the area as she poked at the logs with a long stick, her eyes focused on the red and orange flames that danced wildly in their confinement. It was warm by the fire in Natsuki's opinion, but Shizuru had other thoughts as she huddled tightly under the blanket. Crimson eyes gazed at the stars, trying to dodge the flying animals that would swoop down every now and then.

"Who would think bats would want to be anyplace near where we are?" She lamented as a few more glided beyond the trees, causing her to jump just the slightest bit in surprise.

"There's a lot of insects out on the lake, and that's what they're after." Natsuki said, leaning back to put her arm around Shizuru. "They're fun to watch, once you get over the fact that they'll fly right over you."

"I don't see how anyone can find this relaxing." Shizuru murmured, happy to just lean into Natsuki's secure hold, bringing the blanket up beyond her nose so that only her eyes and a stray lock of fawn hair were left exposed. "Are you sure we won't attract animals who want to go after our food?"

"Don't worry about it." Natsuki said with a laugh. "The biggest thing you'll find out here isn't at all interested in what we have. Even if they were, they'd be more afraid of us than we are of them. Mai's certainly being loud enough." Natsuki said, nodding over to the woman who was busy cleaning up the remains from dinner. "Besides, after the HiME battle, it's safe to say a lot of the larger animals around here are terrified of humans."

"Natsuki's right." Mai said, looking over from her place. "It's the smaller animals that try to get close the most, and they're harmless." When she was done cleaning out the final pan, she yawned and came to sit down with the others, sitting on Shizuru's opposite side, leaning into her. "See, like that little guy up there." Up in one of the nearby trees, a squirrel skittered from branch to branch, trying to decide if it was safe to come down, finally deciding better of it.

"I suppose I'll have to take your word for it." Shizuru said, not entirely sure what to think about that. The wilderness was not her favorite place to be. An owl was hooting in the distance, and she was sure she could hear something growling.

"Why don't you two go in and get settled so I can put out the fire." Natsuki suggested knowing tomorrow was going to be an early morning.

"Might as well." Mai agreed, starting to feel the nip in the air. "We'll want to get out and do the fishing as soon as the dawn breaks."


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14 **

Natsuki was unsure just what the night would hold, but she knew that Shizuru had spared no expense for this small gathering of close friends, that a shared history demanded of them. Though, over time many of the men and women had drifted to only casual pen-pals at best, they were people iconic to both committed memory and figures of the looming future.

She was sure that somewhere along the line, all of them could be thanked for gifts, and blamed for sins. In the face of an of epic battle, they fell one by one, regained their strength, and stood anew. Reborn from the ashes, even if life seemed strangely the same.

To that end, this dinner party was a befitting one.

It was too early for most of the guests to have arrived, but the constant buzzing of the doorbell indicated it wasn't just a typical person to have come by. In fact, by the pure indication that the buzzer was being held down, Natsuki concluded it was likely thorns in her side more than anything else. Still, she dutifully answered the door.

"Natsuki!" The happy reply from Mikoto came far too loudly.

"The hell happened to you?" The second guest, Nao, grumbled.

"Nothing happen to me…just come inside, and shut up." Natsuki said uneasily as she held open the door for two of the many invited guests that were sure to bombard her home that evening. While she wasn't a fan of dinner parties, she'd done her best to dress for the occasion, dress included, though she inwardly cursed the entire time.

"It's official pup, the nimrods finally broke you. It's just not your style." Nao muttered as she stood in the archway, one arm slung around Mikoto, and the other thrusting a bottle of sake into Natsuki's hands. "Really though, why the getup?"

"Shizuru wouldn't let me wear pants." Natsuki lamented with a sigh, though she took the time to pat Mikoto on the head when the girl saw fit to cling to her in greeting. "Got to say, not to thrilled about it."

"No shit." Nao laughed with a shake of her head. "But, ya know what, you don't look all that bad. Only that you've lost your mind, but I'll bet that's only 'cause I know you."

"Well, anyway, make yourself at home." Natsuki said, as she shrugged a bit, not wanting to consider Nao's opinion. As crass as it was, there was a ring of truth to it. "Shizuru's in the kitchen with Chie and Aoi, who also arrived early. Akira's resting in the main living room, and Mai is having a heart-to-heart with her brother." Natsuki nodded to the back yard, where Takumi and Mai sat side by side a drink in hand. "They've been like that for a while now."

"Huh…" Nao muttered, arms crossed. "Wonder what could be so interesting."

"With those two, it's anyone's guess." The woman clad in a dress crossed her arms, seeming as cool as her reputation once demanded of her. Her voice betrayed her, gifting a gentle warmth. "If I had to guess, this is the first time they've actually discussed the nature of what really goes on under this roof." Tactfully, her words were a far cry from what Natsuki would have normally said in the privacy of a bottle and her lovers. "It might seem strange to him, and I'm sure he has many questions for her."

In fact, it was such a politically correct reply, that it earned her a laugh from Nao. "Cut the bullshit." Nao said, slapping her friend on the back. "Geez, if Mikoto knew, so should everyone else."

"It wasn't like I knew…" Mikoto said, her feet falling to the floor, and thusly her muddy shoes as she began to take them off. "Umm… it was just that Mai seemed happier because of being here." The girl chirped, having slipped off her shoes at the door, and coming to nuzzle against Natsuki's side again, earning a roll of emerald eyes. "That's good, right?"

"Yeah, I guess it is." Natsuki wondered when such a thought had drifted into her mind and stayed there.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." Nao muttered, though she didn't really care one way or the other. "It's not like anyone really gives a damn."

"But it's not about that!" Mikoto chided, mimicking a stance she often saw Mai use, hands on her hips as frowned. "If it was, then we would all listen to Haruka...right, Natsuki?"

"No one listen to that airhead." Nao remarked, patting Makoto hard on the shoulder. "If they do, they don't really have a brain."

"Yukino mellowed her out." Natsuki told the redhead. "Granted, I'm sure Haruka would still go on and on about how immoral this is, she's still invited anyway. Mikoto's right though." When and where had the finality of her choices finally sink in? When had such a seemingly irrational way of life become something almost natural?

Natsuki wasn't exactly positive, but as she ran her fingers absently through Makoto's messy tresses, she realized that even such an indiscriminate action came naturally to her. "This is a dinner party for Mai to realize that we value her needs...and, Mai's a people person. She needs family, and plenty of good friends."

In reflection, Natsuki was sure that that was why the carrot top kept quiet for so long.

Mai favored treading lightly so as not to disturb the relative pace found in her happy life. Takumi's health was a constant worry for her, even when given a clean bill from the doctors who treated him. Even then, she hesitantly distanced herself slowly, fearing that to do it too quickly would result in some tragedy she was not ready to face.

Then, as time went on, it seemed almost easier not to say anything at all.

A few were able to guess, but Mai said nothing to the majority of them. She would expertly brush the matter aside, and, most let her do so willingly without any true answer given. A few, such as Chie, called Mai out her bluff happily, but then left it well enough alone.

No matter what happened in her life, Mai was sure that for every happiness she received, a grave misfortune would follow…and she feared her brother would not understand her deepest, most profound desire. The fear was silly really, but, it lingered deeply within her heart.

"Mai, the only thing I really care about is that you're happy." Takumi said, as he leaned back on his hands, watching the sun set. "You get that, right?"

"Of course, I do." Mai laughed shyly. "It's just that even if I knew that's what you'd say, you're still my little brother. As your sister, I feel like I have some obligations that I have to live up to no matter what."

"I don't really understand why." Takumi said, examining the ground as if it suddenly became interesting. Ants made a path carrying a leaf, and he willingly let it distract him. "You've always been so careful to look out for me, but, I've always wanted you to look out for yourself too." He felt as if he was still a burden to his sister. "You shouldn't always have to worry about me."

"I made mom so many promises about you…it was a loaded thing, and I just…" Mai took a breath, eyes closed so that her emotions were hidden well from him. "I can't let you down, and, I've done a lot of things that could make it so that you would." She sighed, opening her eyes to regard his gentle gaze that found hers beseechingly. "I didn't want the way I felt to be one of those reasons…and I know my emotions can be pretty unreasonable."

"Feelings are pretty unreasonable in the first place." Takumi returned carefully, a touch of hurt in his words. "I chose Akira, and we both know she's not exactly an average woman either." He couldn't remember his mother very well, her memory vivid only though Mai's eyes and words. "I don't remember mom anymore, you don't have to live up to her expectations just because of me."

"It's a daughter's job to do as her mother says." Mai said softly. "You were so small Takumi…but, I didn't have a choice, and I know that in spite of what you say, I still don't, because no matter how old you get, you're my baby brother."

He sighed, Mai was as unrelenting as ever, and just as willing to torture herself for his sake. He closed his eyes, a sigh making him seem older than he was. "Well, I don't know if that's really a reason to worry so much, but I'm glad you had Natsuki and Shizuru to look after you. I just wish you could trust me to accept anything you have to tell me."

"It wasn't something I felt like I should be able to tell you." Mai admitted. "That if I did, I would be forcing my life choices onto you. I didn't want to do that."

"You're my sister, Mai." Takumi muttered, unhappily. "I want to be the brother that you can depend on. How can I do that when you try to overcome everything on your own? And what happens when you need me, but I never know, because you never say?"

Thankfully for Mai, the back door opened and Natsuki stepped through, handing Takumi and Mai some warmed tea. Mai breathed a sigh of relief, but Takumi continued to look troubled. "You two seem busy, should I come back later?" Natsuki asked, but Takumi shook his head.

"I should thank you." He said as he stood to bow. "For looking after my sister and making her as happy as she seems to be. My gratitude is endless."

At first, Natsuki stood still, unsure of what to do at a time like this, until Mai took hold of her hand, prompting Natsuki to speak. "Uh, you really shouldn't thank me." Natsuki said a bit shyly. "Mai looks after me quite a bit, actually, so if anything, I just sometimes return the favor." She turned to Mai, one hand resting at the small of her back. "The others are starting to arrive, thought you might want to join in on the festivities…and I thought he might want to save his wife before Makoto drives her insane."

…

Sleep wouldn't come to them, the melody of the crickets were their only lullaby, and even that seemed to lurk in the shadows of a nightmare.

Instead of rest, a vicious current of emotions better left unspoken twisted around the confines of the tent, a storm brewing on the inside as crimson eyes and violet squared off, both in uncertainty and dismay. There was only room enough for one bed, and though that was a seemingly natural concept, it irked Shizuru.

It was a trial that didn't particularly bother Mai at first, though, she was unsure if now was the right time to rest beside Natsuki, as this was not her domain...it seemed forbidden somehow, a territory not her own.

The carrot top cursed inwardly, knowing she should have seen this coming. Having at one point shared a dorm room with both Natsuki and Mikoto put things into perspective. They had shoved all three beds in the dorm together for the sake of conserving space. Mai knew this was Natsuki's way of doing the same in the all too small tent.

Even so, she felt a lingering uneasiness in crimson eyes, and Mai gulped hard, unsure of the tension that set the small hairs on the back of her neck on end. She wondered what seemed to spin so violently in Shizuru's eyes, but also didn't dare to ask.

Shizuru was troubled by the openness around her. She wanted nothing more than to be held in Natsuki's arms until dawn. Selfish though it was, she couldn't keep the desire out of her mind, as something sinister struck at her memory like a whip. She wanted Mai to understand, but she knew she wouldn't be able to give voice to that one craving, least she say something she might regret.

It would not have been the first time, after all, that a selfish whim set her heart atop a silver platter.

The scene Natsuki entered into was one that made her realize she had stepped directly into the lion's den. The biker noted the feral instinct that clouded crimson, and the rejected understanding in violet. "What the hell happened in here?" Her voice was the tiniest murmur that struggled to carry in the tense air.

"Nothing." Shizuru said, her voice tight and clipped. "That's the problem."

"I…wait, what?" Natsuki groused with a scowl, confused beyond belief. "Run that by me again."

"Nothing happened." Mai said as she pressed herself into one of the corners, curling up on her side. "And, nothing's going to happen either. That's a fair trade."

"A stalemate…" Shizuru concluded quietly and also did the same. "I suppose that's fitting."

The two women ended up leaving a large space where Natsuki sat bewildered. If this was some sort of test, it was a confusing one to say the least. She wasn't sure, so she stayed motionless. At first, she half expected one or both of them to turn around and pounce on her. When that didn't happen, Natsuki took in a breath and studied the women around her.

Reality struck hard.

Mai's shoulders shook like the open book she was. Shizuru lay motionless, a skill she was undeniably good at, though, Natsuki was also sure that silent tears were threatening to fall from between clenched eyelids. Torn between the two women, unsure of just how to remedy the situation, Natsuki fell backwards onto the mattress, looking up at the dark fabric above her head, and the rods that kept the tent up.

"Alright, I get it." Natsuki said, just loud enough to be heard amongst the crickets. "But I'm not playing favorites...you guys got us into this mess, you guys figure it out." When she received no reply, she sat up again and sighed. "Would it really be so different at home?" When Shizuru gave a small faltering flinch that spoke volumes, Natsuki rolled her eyes, knowing neither woman could see her. "Ah, yeah see, that's it…isn't it? You two really think I'll treat this whole scheme of yours like a game, huh?" She curled up in the center, between Mai and Shizuru, her fingers toying idly with a long strand of midnight hair.

It was with a stupefied grin that Natsuki shook her head. It really was comical how foolish two people could be. She leaned over to Shizuru's side, gently pushing fawn tresses away from the shell of her ear. "If you're going to play with fire, you're going to get burned." Natsuki murmured quietly, one hand resting gently on Shizuru's side. "Now go over to her and deal with this before one or both of you actually does get hurt."

Mai heard the faint sounds, and her voice was as weak as she felt. "It already hurts, Natsuki."

"Damn it." Natsuki sighed, still in disbelieve that she was stuck in between this very strange fight. "You have no idea how alike you guys can be, it kind of freaks me out." It was then that something landed on top of the tent with a splat….another sound soon followed, and Natsuki swallowed hard. "Shit…" Emerald eyes lifted to get a look at the rain that was falling atop the tent, watching as the droplets slid down the outer tarp.

The curse was enough to send both Mai and Shizuru into motion. A blanket seemed to wrap itself around Natsuki, as if it had a mind of its own, though in the back of the biker's mind, she knew it was probably Shizuru who'd done it. There was something warm at her back, arms pulling her into a protective hold, guiding her to lay down. Mai's breasts inadvertently pressed into her.

Natsuki could already hear the rolling thunder in the distance, and all too willingly complied out of shock alone. "It wasn't supposed to storm." Natsuki said quietly, having thought the forecasts promised clear skies for at least a few days.

"It won't." Shizuru said, though in truth, she could already hear the cracking lightning in the distance. "It's just some rain clouds passing by."

"I'll be fine." Natsuki said, though she was clutching onto the blanket around her anyway. "As long as I don't go to sleep, it's not like it's a big deal."

"Don't try to lie." Mai chided quietly, her hold becoming just a little tighter. "You hate rain, and it isn't just when you're asleep." Her breath sent heated puffs of air across Natsuki's neck, and any other time, it would have been a very pleasant experience. "You don't have to make excuses, we see right through you anyway."

"Maybe not, but last I recall, you weren't fond of storms either." Natsuki muttered as a particularly loud roll of thunder boomed through the sky.

When it became clear this rain squall wasn't going to pass them by quickly, Shizuru let loose a soft sigh, pulling her lower lip between her teeth. Her hand slid under the blanket, covering Natsuki's hands with her own, even if the woman of midnight tresses hid it well, she was shaking. "We both see everything. We both know better." Shizuru murmured to herself, swallowing hard as Mai's words drilled their way into her mind.

Narrowing her eyes, Shizuru felt as if the only thing to do was to outlast the rain pelting onto the tent. "This might be the worst time to say this, but when it really matters, it's as if we're able to come together…it might just be good fortune that the rain has come."

"I doubt it." Natsuki grumbled, averting her emerald eyed gaze. "When has rain ever been a good thing?"

"But, it's going to happen even if it's good or bad. When you think about it, it really isn't one or the other. It's all in how you make it out to be." Shizuru pulled away, bringing her knees to her chest, resting her head on them. "Even though I know that, it still terrifies me, because I don't want to relinquish that one place that you and I have together."

"Shizuru…" The murmur fell from Natsuki's lips, weighed down by her own vexation. "That had absolutely nothing to do with the rain." It was something else, deeper, more complex than mere words.

"It might as well be the selfsame for me." Shizuru admitted. "Because this…right here…being out here, and welcoming Mai at all into a bed with us…" Crimson met violet. "It reminds me that I'm not the only one anymore." And those red eyes hesitantly drifted to beautiful emerald orbs that was as vast as an array of emotions that could not be contained, nor analyzed. "That you're also not the only one for me anymore...that I also chose someone else."

In fact, Shizuru doubted anyone would be able to pinpoint the true depth to the ocean found there, laden with scars, and secrets never to be told. "I was once your most important person, and you were mine...and that was it." It made her chest constrict tightly with the truth. "Sharing this one space, where I was only yours, and you were only mine...it frightens me." It was a sad grin that pulled gently at her lips, making her hands clutch at the fabric of her pajamas, her eyes close, and her breath quake. "I'm a coward…it was easy when you fought against this love…because then, I could be your only person still...I had the luxury to be brave."

"It doesn't make you any less important." Natsuki said, sitting up as the blanket fell from around her, another rolling boom ripping through the skies. It seemed so faint to Natsuki's ears at the time. "I just…I thought that…" Nervously she pushed some midnight hair behind her ear, taking a deep breath. "You wanted this too, right?" She looked between Shizuru and Mai. "I didn't see something that wasn't there, did I?"

"No, Natsuki." Mai said with a shake of her head. "Of course not, it's just a little raw I think." Mai concluded licking her lips. "This kind of thing isn't always easy…in fact, I think it can't be." She edged closer to Shizuru, unsure of herself as she brought her hands to cup the woman's face, an act that was horribly out of place for her rapidly beating heart. "That's okay though, I don't want it to be easy. I want it to be real, for once in my life." She wondered if the moisture on Shizuru's cheeks could possibly a figment of her imagination, praying that it wasn't, as her thumbs brushed away the tears. "Dear god, just let this be real."

"It is." Shizuru said quietly. "Because you're not a ghost that I want to chase away...but, I wonder if I won't somehow push you away by holding on too tightly to the things I shouldn't."

"You don't have to worry about that." Mai breathed, her own worries mirrored and brought to light. "I'll just cling even tighter." She pressed her lips to Shizuru's own in a way defied even their own desperation, as Natsuki, without thinking found herself captivated by a far different thunder that thudded with every skipped beat of her heart.


End file.
